Walkin Corpse

Some of the friends whom came to know my case, told me that i should not be affected. Anyway i did try to leave him before.

Yap, i thought i should have. But the problem is 'i did try' to leave him but came back because couldnt. N all the words he said to me askin for my return.

Those words ring but now with his other words for breaking away also ring. U know , they ring both messages together. Going berserk soon

Moaning for myself n e marriage. Tried to numb myself. So sometimes i jus gone blank, sometimes tears jus roll. Cannot concentrate on anything.

It will soon break all other part of my life, i know

When will i get back on my feet? only time can tell......

Really, today while i travel on train, asked myself. How come i did not say alot alot of things to try to salvage the situation. I only jus hear him n read which direction he want and went with the flow. Even acted that materials can simply 'compensate' me.

There are soooo many incidents and feelings wanna to tell him but i din. Was it cos of my pride? not really, he was soo persistent n wat i say will it help? maybe he will misread as being emotional blackmail.

Too many thoughts clouding....

Tat smile i have to maintain

e one correct thing i gave to him

E last n yet ironically the only correct thing i did for him is done for him tonite.

He came to me n initiated the same old talk. Wanted me to think of myself in 10-20 yrs, blah blah blah

He said alot. But said he has not decided.

Ultimately i know he just wan an assuring answer out from my mouth and one that can make his mind at ease. He said alot alot of things. It hurts deeper n deeper. N still he claimed yet to make up mind.

Tat smile he longs to see, i created it.

Wipe tears n Smile and tell him i also wanted us to part.

So i asked for the house and e car. He is so relieve. At least he can do sth for me? It hurts me but i feel happy that he is relieved. And whoever the one that has motivated him also can get a happy beginning. Ok, he said 'dun have'. Well, be it have or dun hav, tat is happy beginning for him.... oops jus he put it, it is also a good beginning for me. I got to grin.

No hatred. Just wan to numb myself.

For those who are worried for me, no worry. I will continue this (rocky) life journey.

My little wish remains, hope he will still in touch with me. But hope he wont show too fast with another hands locking his, in front of me.

Sorry, m not a saint. Still need time. But tat smile wont back off.

Lim, i love u... jus bear for this one last one

Goodbye to love n memories. I will forsake you all for happiness within

continue to hope Happiness will one day decide to befriend me.

C & J = a past tat should have ended 9 yrs ago
Tat missing wedding ring n e one u never bother to put on = CJ2000
My bday: 26 May
Our ROM: 27 May
His bday: 28 May
.... urgh.. n i earned 9yrs, GRINNN....

Sick

After dragging many days then finally drag my feet to see doctor. Scarey, 10 pax in front of me. N doc said all same signs like mine.

Ha.. maybe he should photocopy prescriptions so no need to write and write. stick onto patients' record will do!

;P

A joke that carries too far away

To stop all nonsense, the culprits r deleted. Temporarily or permanent yet to know.

Fate comes fate goes

Thanks

Kimchi Mangojo Won

Tmr nite flying off but my heart is still heavy on work matters.

So many things to do

Actually dun mind getting things done. M very task oriented but there are some implications that cloud my mind. Some idiots just like to ensure things dun happen the way they should.

GOSH, no matter how, got to let go for a while. I mean things are unpredictable. Perhap by the time i come back, there is a big change n my presence is no longer needed.

So as long as i do what i should during my stay, then there is no need to feel guilty or unjustice done.

As for preparing for tour, have not really read the itinerary by heart. Yet to pack and decide how much to prepare for the trip.

So Gemini

Miss mango? heeheeeheeeeheeeee

If life can be re-boot

This is my 'shout out' in my friendster account.

Been there for likely a month or two.

Surprisingly i have some ppl dropping messages to me in respond to this statement (or question?).

First one was quite a concern msg. He tried to comfort me and then now he is added in as a friend.

Couple of days ago, i got another one, using this headline to drop by to say hello.

Today i got one who recommended how to re-boot life. Read first time got abit nervous. Thought was suggesting i go n die n start new life ;)

So put this in as nick in my msn... haha....... guess more ppl will respond.

Quite interesting.

Really, tat wat i feel sometimes... i miss out many things n tries and pick up r'ships that eventually not meant for me. If life can be re-boot, many times i will pick up, two r'ships i will never take up :)

heeeeeeeeee