quotes

"Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that." Norman Vincent Peale

tat little row

ytd at 6+ someone smsed me. As phone bat is quite down n wan to save on sms, i called back using office phone.

tat's whr diaster happened.

Maybe that person din register my office phone so picked up my call. N likely quite not the one that is desired, the person actually was rather irritated. Partly due to answering phonecall during driving.

Was upset by this unfriendliness.

I mean it is unfair that i get such treatment cos if the person is not comfortable to ans call during driving then dun pick up. WOnder if it is another person will the reaction be the same!

quite a small matter though

just to write here. But no worry.

Bro's O level results

:)

My little bro now turns adult liao lei!

Completed O level

I am so happy and proud of him. Given our family background and financial status, i think he did very well with no tuition.

Felt very bad in many way towards him.

Now hope he can find course he desire.

Jia You Jia You !!!

I want to make sure he complete at least a diploma. These few yrs may mean alot more maggie mee for me. but must pull through!

He needs a rainbow n hope i can support him some way

Fri, Sat & Mon

Friday 25th Feb 2008

Tonight supposed to go and attend company's CNY celebration at Dempsey Hill. V ang mo style of celebrating a CHI-na festival haa

but decided not to. Yesterday kena from CEO so no mood liao.

Apparently at least one was influenced by my decision. She decided not to go as well.

N being naughtly i suggested to give ang pow to colleague who is hosting the event. Then Lisa (yeah the one i mentioned, they always joke 'never leave home without Lisa' had brighter idea... with help from Kazae we printed 2 A3 ang pow pic and pasted back so that it look like a big ang pow! n i went to ask for 5c and managed to raise 8 5cent coins. So we put the coins into the angpow n asked another colleague Mel to present to emcee before she start 'open mike' haaaaaa at pt of writing, yet to know if they really do that! me n my full of nonsenses.

Just received an sms that i got the 27th lucky prize but cos i was not there physically so they re-draw. Haiz fated bah. i think if i m there also wont strike!

SHRI made another big boo boo. Dun have the Principal email address. The service standard has always been poor. But the extreme had it tonite! The official letter that was given to me stated my grades wrongly. I guess any admin arrangement can be wrong but this is a MUST no wrong! if not wat is the value of exams. Might as well let us indicate wat grade we want! This letter arises as they decided to have a ceremony in May so we completed the cse in Dec 07 but can only get cert in May 08. Such an irony as it is an intensive course. Well it will still maintain its leading HR institute reputation as it monopolises so no matter how we suffered, all in silence. Ppl esp me with no social status r not given the decent treatment.

I would still stress that MDIS is really a great institution. It is also not for profit and so called 'private' but it runs the mgmt so outstanding :) Even Chinese Chamber Biz gives decent service. So being monopoly is a triumph card? So worrying as Spore supposed to be education hub too!

Sat nite wil be a drinking nite. I din really tell others but be going with a male friend. Really to drown my sorrows and stress away. But again i trust him that he wont take advantage of me :) he wont lah. Old woman liao wahhahaa

Monday will be having ReUNION dinner with ex and some current PAsians. Dun know how come it be in Little Indian. Just did a quick check restaurant food sounds delicious.

when can my acne disappear?

or it gonna be a 'landmark' liao :(

another emo nite

爱的挽歌

爱 何以竟找到我
在刹那间发生好比眼里闪过的火
你 从我心中经过
让我彻底无助 真的叫我非爱不可
愿伴着你 就是没自我
亦未问为什么 愿永远疯魔
就是在玩弄我 亦自愿受着过错
道别话未说 亦尽量去拖
呈献出一切去求你这一晚陪伴我
只需当打发时间别疑虑太多
留住这一个夜晚在明日重播
陪伴我一世是这首爱的挽歌
世间一切也无法去抵抗时日过
不管真心跟瞒骗亦同样结果
来吧再一次被你欺骗未为过
明日我一个夜里再哼这首挽歌(没痛楚)
想得很清楚 真爱难负荷
需要痛苦都太多
今宵可不可 无须要太清楚
只要刹那间结果
若是玩弄我 唯求并未揭破
愿承认我是很傻
愿热烈渡过 梦幻内渡过
未计较终会留下我

练习
如果留下多一秒钟
可以减少明天想你的痛
我会愿意放下所有
交换任何一丝丝可能的占有

幸福只剩一杯沙漏
眼睁睁看着一幕幕甜蜜
不会再有原来平凡无奇的拥有
到现在竟像是无助的奢求

我已开始练习
开始慢慢着急
着急这世界没有你
已经和眼泪说好不哭泣
但倒数计时的爱该怎么继续

我天天练习
天天都会熟悉
在没有你的城市里
试着删除每个两人世界里
那些曾经共同拥有的一切美好和回忆

爱是一万公顷的森林
迷了路的却是我和你
不是说好一起闯出去
怎能剩我一人回去

Social gathering last nite

Was feeling v unwell and took 1/2 day mc.

At nite, went to Ben's LAST NITE gathering. Kinda go cos can see many of ex colleagues. I knew recently alot of unpleasant thingy brewed so just to pop in to see how they are.

It was held at a KTV lounge in serangoon gardens. Dun really like the place.

There were moments of laughter n irritation

Laughter 1:
Edward asked if i can help him keep his car key. I was as usual naughty. Took over the keys and then together with another lady GRL waved at him and said we go for a ride. He got a shock n quickly said no. Then realised he changed from BMW to porsche. Haa it;s not the first time i disturb to take his car for a ride (even if i have license i think he be scare to death heeeeee).

Irritation 1:
Seah the RC 4 Chairman suddenly 'attacked' me. Cos he was very upset that he cannot buy 4D while carrying a kid. Being nice a few of us said just get someone to take care of the kid. He was quick to 'correct' us tat would mean the kid may be carried away. GOSH of cos if he is to let someone to carry the kid must be close ones mah. Nevermind lah, some rigid brains. :P I just feel bad for other colleagues who stil need to tolerate these nonsenses.

Irritation 2:
Poon the boar tried to be friendly and spoke to me. N then he rattled away his expertise. As usual, cant make out any sense.


Laughter 2:
Ben as usual a little clown that entertained everyone with his superb singing and acting.

Some GRls and an ex colleague said they felt bad they did not do such farewell event for me. Quietly told one colleague that if they do that i will be very angry. I do not want to entertain these ppl AGAIN. jus wanted to leave peacefully :P I am already glad that Edward and Nick (GRLs) and some office colleagues still keep contact with me. Ppl will know me. i prefer genuine friendship. As for entertainment, once awhile is ok lah.

So we were in KTV lounge. Edward said never hear me sing before. I just gave him a weak smile. Heehee cos it is about 1 yr i never laid hand on mike liao. 2007 Oct since then i did not sing cos dun wan to weep (in case) and spoil ppl mood. Now i lost rhythm heehee. But it is not a big deal to me lah. Life is not about wantin to have fun n having to possess something/one every min ;)

Wow machiam like jovian 论语 haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Tonite's dinner and tmr breakfast

Ok i m extremely greedy tonite!

Went back to hair salon to ask for advice how to maintain the curls.

Apparently cannot fight with them one cos a touch of jel on hair n the curls 'came back'. Din really make a fuss cos i am also not looking at too much degree of curls. But only hope it can last me at least 3 mths or money really gone, u know.

Then walked past Dipping Donut. Took a small glance at it (usually m not impressed by the new age donuts as they tend to be very sweet) and then kena caught. Hesitated if to buy one to try. The nite before aft a working dinner at Orchard, went to get an apple cinnamon donut at Taka basement and it was good n not sweet. So got abite greedy esp those toppled with chocolate. Then disaster happened! the sign put '$6.50 for half a dozen' o it really looks reasonable, isnt it? esp the chocolate r yellng at me for ignoring it ;P

So bought 6. Yes, 6 all for myself!

The picture tells a thousand words

Now geared with hot green tea to take 3 (i yet to have dinner hor). Green tea supposingly can help to remove oil and dilute the sweetness. Btw, how come the donuts r oily har? *puzzled

Expectedly, too sweet for me. Nevermind lah, just this one last time. If next time still crave for donuts, will get from that one at Taka basement or the old tradition chocolate ones ;)

* a small epsoide: u know i've been complaining of the high costs during lunch. Today joined ex unit cos two to three of them r really close to me and they wan me to join. But they went to Mr Bean. A lunch costs $12. Really cannot tahan. N i dun really wan to eat that much during lunch. Think i wan to stock instant noodles in office liao. I rather spend more on massage, hairdo, clothes, books and others than to eat lunch that cost a bomb lei.

Oops

Recently realise that the PA batch of older young ladies are leaping into another phrase in life - marrying and even getting pregnant or bearing e thoughts already.

It is really a clear sign of time and 'aging'. Looking back,e first time i met them, they were jus little proud uni fresh grads ;P

I got ROM at 24 yrs old. That time i only know i like to be in love and thought of love n got ROM. Despite many obstacles and unstability. But pregnancy was never in my mind. I belive in married life but defy routine family life. Did not and still do not belive that you need kids in order to make a complete family. Call me selfish, i wanna love and with love carry strength to do and achieve many other things in life.

Today, my marriage collapsed. Many commented others were terriby to show sympathy. Some comments naturally link 'complete family life' to the failure. But i still do not see the link.

Yes, even if i still have a happy marriage, i gurantee that having kid is never a mission i have. Not a slight thought at all!

Maybe i will regret as age. The usual thing of being alone and no one to look after. But then again having kids is also no guarantee that u be taken care of. It is not a negative thought. Just to denote that kids does not alway equal to security in old age.

I could be using entire life to search for my life mission. But if my stream of thoughts is laid in such way, i cant but to say m willing to do that n not to go with the USUAL flow.

so personal and so dark side of mangojo

boars ard in this co.

cant rem if i have written this incident. Anyway tdy 2nd meeting with them again. So it spurred me to write (or rewrite).

That fatal day,likely 1st or 2nd day aft NY, had meeting with Operations & Retail division. There were a Director, 2 Snr Mgr, my boss (also Snr Mgr) and peer and myself in the meeting.

It din start off well as expectd. Operations will alway hate Marketing ppl as we are supposingly a constant pain to them. The more we think the more they need to work.

I cant really disclose tooo much details here. The unpleasant incident happened after boss left to see CFO. CFO called him.

Without boss ard, my colleauge and esp me became their main target. It was my project so i got to bear all the hurlings. It became unbearable when one of the Snr Mgr pointed his finger and yelled at me ' u think so easy, u come n do it, i refuse to do' He rattled sth like that. Really thought he had gone too far with the finger pointing and the yelling. U should hear his tone. Hence being a small fry now, i drop my pen and told him 'it's fine, might as well dun do the whole project'. He was abit shock i think cos he did not yell back. My action was clear to him. If he as Snr Mgr said he REFUSED to do it, i will take it and jus report accordingly. Only recalled he said 'i never say dun do the whole project' but i thought that voice was so faint haaaaaa.

The Director gave a look and perhap think i m bad with PR and screw up the negotiation.

Nevertheless i have my stand. He gave many lame excuses and finally with that hurling. So really lah, we cannot force others to do thing they dun like. Especially he is sooooooo high post hence i will jus take back what he said.

It was abit effective at least for that moment. Later the negotiation went on with better note.

Did reported to my boss about my reaction. i think he hack care. But i insisted to write him the minutes and reflect all the resistences. This is to protect him and myself that if the sales is not good, it was because the Operations refused to do this and that.

It was really eye opening. Back in PA, being operational personnels, we will never say we REFUSE to do but we will attack on the plannign and execution and seek clarification and voice improvements. Here, ppl give many lame excused to REFUSE to do.

Actually all functions need to work together. If marketing does not come out with gimmick and capture customers, Operations is likely to cease sooner or later without customer. Of cos, marketing must also hear out the operational issues. Both need each other and must work together. However it is with great misfortune that many do not see that. N it is the weak culture that fail to bond the functions. N overall who is the culprit?????

NY Eve

It was only a half day biz at work.

Shamefully it was only 2 hours ;P cos i let myself slack from 10am onwards

I guess at abt 10-11am, emailed and phoned Sleepy. Thought that since i worked in town which is so near to Sleepy's office, have never dated her for lunch. Partly her lunch time is different from mine. Also it is still consider a 15min walk to her office which is tough heehee.

So we met for lunch on NY eve. It was really a cool idea, aftwhich we will say 'see you next yr' hee. We went Clarify Cafe and chat continuously while eating. The usual from work, r'ship, what's happening and what happened to friends. This is really the kind of serene life i look for after resigning from PA. Or else, i will be busy with Eve'countdown event(s), struggling at CC.

On way home, decided to walk ard Central. Tried my luck on eyebrow trimming w/o appointment and bought myself a hand & feet theraphy lotion at O2. Ok, i could not resist to this facial service that the sales gal kept bugging so bought a session to try. It costs $90! Trying out next week. Pls remind me not to sign the package. Cos it is like $120 per session. Actually have already used up my savings so there is nothing much left in the bank. Staying alone and having to shoulder the heaviest load for allowance to my own family really exhausted everything i have. Next year is worst, having my bro going to Poly. Felt bad i cant let him go JC and University. V useless sister.

Back to topic, prior meeting Sleepy, went to library. And was so happy to know that we can borrow double loads from Nov to Jan. Learnt news abit late but managed to get two audio books - For one more day and another one which author is unknown to me. He has a series of stories which attracted me so that i can rush all on NY day. 'For one more day' consists of 3 CDs, this is the last one i m hearing now. Actually aimed for 'the 5 people you met in heaven' but was not available. This 'For one more day' is very sad and really made many esp me guilty.

Audio books are good, the author read own story hence can feel that there is more emotions. Also allow me to multi task at same time. So i actually clean my room while listening to the story, weeping at times.

There is this part that mentioned the author's mum having to face finger pointing and discrimination as that era Divorce is a taboo and women must always be the one at fault! While situation has improved tremodously over decades, there is undenial that discrimination and ridicule still exist. I face that constantly. From nasty to innocently blurt of words on me..... For instance, awkward situation arises when bounce into old lost friend. And the person will give that pathetic look and said 'o so pitiful'. Almost same words and expressions. Heehee i gradually give benefits of doubts that ppl dun know how to react. So took the role of reassuring people that i am ok ;P Baby, the world wont collapse (or for too long). When people face adverse situation, bravey will kick in :) Even if happy occasions like pregnancy, people still need to have that bravey to prepare for parenthood :) get wat i meant?

Change subject.....

At yesterday nite, only watched tv, hear the story, surfing Reader's Digest and msn with a few friends, including ex-hubby (er.. it a bit complicated, legally not done but we alrady regard ourselves as ex liao hee). he asked y i din go out and party and offer me soem money cos i told him i no money. Hee i always think he felt guilty i alone. Aiyo, reasons for not going out consist mainly afraid of crowd. And and like wat my msn mentioned. I actually wanted to sleep through the change of year! For past years, i had to put on smile, pretend happy and excited and do Countdown event that myself felt program was so lame. N this morning i felt so peaceful and good. Had good revenge. heehee