Daddy Gor Gor

This LTA bro suddenly willing to reach me back again

First time i addressed him is 'daddy'

haaaaaaaaaaaaa..

y? cos his factory v powderful, he got twins recently

Now like a full grown man, he has to take care of wife, a pair of twins n a car.

Too bad i dun really know how to appreciate kids. So did not really know wat to ask abt his babies. He must be cursing me heeheee

So this daddy better make sure dun loset contact with me lah. No matter wat happen, i can allow u to hide for awhile but u must ensure come back n look for me!!!!!

still cannot figure out

how to put my friends' blog link on mine

Too impatience to read n understand those instructions

got hint? someone gotten do for me lor

;P

Insomnia or just craving for time for doing own thing?

It is 3.05am now.

Cant sleep.

Not that i have slept earlier.

Actually these few days been workig till read late. On Monday, even worked till 3am n woke up 7am on the next day for meeting.

Feeling very tire but somehow cant zzz.

Sometimes i wonder if this is e cause of staying late for work that make it such an habit..or i just yearn for extended time for myself. U know i work average 1 day 14hrs, and many weeks 7 days continuously without off. My life is only work n letting ppl abuse. I yearn for more time for reading or even blog.

But my blog also full of complaints heeheee

Gonna to carry on like this? i dun noe. it is not only lonely but aimless. But then again i need job n money

Karaoke

I rem one time i use KTV in short n a friend face turned colour.... KTV sounded like those .... oops

Have not been goin to sing for long time. I like to sing alot. But recently when hear song will burst. So quite worry i will weep n then so awkward rite? 1 time i did n my friend jus kept silence... oops

but really hope to sing again :(

Dash

Shaken
Saddened
Broken
Repair work
Amendment
Feel still awkward
foreign
brushing pass
danger zone
wat lies in front???

maze, secret, reveal, game over?!!!

haahahaahahahah

Check it out!

Came in to check if my blog gonna missing again ;P

ok, safe and here i m writing rubbish......

Since i sold my Toshiba old laptop now using iBook. But with external keyboard cos the keyboard pad of the ibook is spolit. First time use laptop n met such problem. I went to e service centre and they wan to charge me $240 to change it! pls lah, jus one day after warranty the pad spoil. I say LOUSY! n lost faith with this brand liao......

Then now still thinkin of how to activate the chinese wordings. One of the things i wan to do this year is to write short notes using mandarin... wan to compile it as ebook ... a little writer mango

at this hour, still at home...but working.. heehee can access partially to office network......

jus bein plain lazy to take bus lor...

mangojo

Valentine Day w/o Valentine

1st time since 19 i do not have a valentine on VDay.

not that MUST have. Only find it weird... happy and sad altogether

Then sth unpleasant happened. it only ended up with sms bad correspondents.

Cannot say what happen here.

let it be, let it past.......

失忆

书桌上的香水
你沉默的背对
只剩下那一点点
还是闻得到从前
西装里的口袋
我整理过的爱
又破了那一点点
我帮你补了誓言
从没实现的摇滚梦
我也陪你走好多遍
断弦的吉他
始终弹不出我要的答案
我和你拼了好几夜
约翰蓝侬的图片
却拼不到一个永远
我在等你喊停
感觉不到从前温柔的双眼
感觉的到你已不再眷恋
无奈的笑试图让我知道
得了失忆可能对你我都好
感觉不到说是为了我改变
感觉的到承诺划过我左脸
我不知道也许我会得到
一句还是朋友
这是借口还是尽头

Missing blog

Long time din log in this blog.

Ytd tried and then it kept prompt me the password is wrong!

GOSH, how can it be? if i can log in others, this one can cos all shared same password lei!!!

Try countless times.

Just now when i about to create a new one.. gave a last try and got in! believe it? it is the same password that i tried again and again

Sleepy aka WP said i very forgetful due to old age.. (not again :( , haaa ). Actually since the divorce matter brought up, i not been paying attention to my life...no more driving.. no more swimming, no more rem if i have done this or not....

'Hubby' also ask if i have done tis or not, i told him i dun know and i dun care...

Wat else to matter"???

Only when it is work, i got to ensure cos i get paid.

Ok, want to close this with something happy......... got back my blog heeheeeeeee

kinky

haaa tat day a guy friend said he bought me a vibrator *instantly fainted.

On saturday past midnight, with my SOS call, he came to fetch me home from office **yes i been workign till wee hours almost every day. And he pas me the 'vibrator'!

Haaaaaa he is so funny.... it is indeed a Hello Kitty that vibrates except for not having the kinky function lah! It is actually a keychain .. there is a string attached to it and when u pull it, the hands and legs of the kitty will vibrate...

***whew,

dun frighten me like that lah

:P

Disappeared....

been a long time since my last entry.

It is plain busy and refusal to write down bad things that prevented me from writing.

Since beginning of 2007, nothing seem smooth. Not only not smooth but alot of mishaps.

Last saturday was a worst one i had. Got backstab and this so called intelligent person did not even bother to check and simply push blame to me.

Hate it. Up my limit

Blank

beside rushing for work and meeting deadlines and strategise on moves to counter evil company people and Grassroots leaders, practically m BLANK.


Jus blank.

Not that i canno do sth about it, but jus rot

Appeal to friends

(1) It is always easier to start afresh

Ytd had a little conversation with him. Dun know whr i gathered the courage to touch on a sensitive issue n w/o tears somemore!!! a changed mango ? :p

Told him we have different opinion towards our lives and marraiage.

Started by asking him if i never leave him for 6 mths the yr before, will we still be divorcing. He said 'it's a matter of time'.

He describe us a bottle of 180ML drink. But our love only reach max to 150ML and we are unable to go beyond that , so we better off parting.

I told him my views completely different. It needs us to work and go beyond 150.

Throughout our lives, we go through different stage and growth. But we did not incoporate the changes together. We did not do thing together. His need for privacy is too great. My innocence is too deep.

He said 'life is short..move on'

Told him my philosophy is different. Precisely life is short and we only live once. So we should treasure wat we have. In life, those who pass by or eventually got hook in ur life, we should treasure. But i also know his alternative view 'dun waste time'.

Conclude: it is always easier to dump the old and get start afresh. Follow up work is never easy :)

(2)Your encouragements are needed

Friends, if u happen to read my blog again... do drop some encouragement here to booast my morale and strenght for me to move on :)

This morning i got fr 1 friend in msn n very gratefuL!!!

cheers

Missing.e.'n'.and.spacebar

Well.well.ibook.got.mad.recently.The.two.keys.could.not.work.

The.above.'n'.appeared.becos.smart.me.use.e.'cut-n-paste'.method.

It.appears.alot.of.words.need.'n'!...like.a.friend.said,i.cannot.say.'no'.in.my.replies!!

to.cut.e.hazzard,will.use.'^'.to.replace.'n'.

Ytd.was.e.last.day.of.2006.Had.to.do.cou^tdow^.at.CC.

Ca^t.u^dersta^d.why.e.folks.ca^^ot.simply.fi^d.other.activities.or.actually.tv.shows.
ca^.be.good.for.them!!

The^.had.to.supper.at.e.coffeshop..By.e.time.home.it.was.like.1am++

Was.rather.tire.fr.faki^g.smiles.esp.whe^.i.k^ow.whe^.e.clock.strikes.12am.
it.also.wipes.clea^.my.marriage..
He.would.be.movig.out.a^ytime.

Jus.whe^.i.thought.i.could.have.good.sleep.Stomach.sudde^ly.cramped.badly.

So.e.story.was.plai^.pai^ful........lost.cou^t.of.times.i.ra^.to.toilet.
Guess.likely.10+,^ot.cou^ti^g.o^.goi^g.

still.pai^.badly.a^d.ru^^i^g.to.a^d.fro.toilet.

Perhaps............this.is.to.plurge.out.all.the.2006.shits.A^d.declare.a.totally.^ew.start.

A.new.start.with.me.bei^g.si^gle.older.a^d.less.rich.......
but.i.still.ca^.breathe.so.it.is.ok.

Sealed.up.tat.chapter.i^.life.

Move.alo^g

:)

Give you back your justice (Pt 2)

Eversince that day, he asked for my full name, i got abit awaken.

A remade Mangojo stepped back and take a look at the situation like an outsider. That helps alot.

Instead of blaming him and marriage, i could have been the worst cast in the whole situation. He is a victim of mine for years.

He could have ignore me but he din. Usually he is out on saturday full day but he came back to ensure food is delivered. He needs not do so. There is no obligation.

It was awkward for him but he still press on. Cos i teared with enduring the pain. he could feel even more disgusted when i refused to tell him what surgery i gone and he may also think that i am trying to use this to trap him back into marriae. But he din.

I salute him with total admiration. He is really a very nice guy, looking back all these years. He may not give me the love TLC but as a person wholesomely he is really great.

Guess i can face the divorce better becos it is really to give him back his freedom and let him find real happiness.

Perhap we should sign e doc asap instead of Jan. I like to see the relieve in his face. Long time no see the real happy him. I feel 心疼.

Only hope that my tears wont roll when we sign e document. Din wan him to feel e pain. He was in pain for too many years.

Did not know e real meanign of love while in marriage. I will not wan to ruin other ppl's life in future :)

love, pls forget me.
Hubby, pls forgive me.

Give you back your justice (Pt 1)

Had my surgery on friday, 15 Dec 2006.

Was quite an experience.

Got knock out and by e time i woke up, everything were done. Hmm.. wat did they do actually?

Did not feel quite right after getting back my senses. Was rather irritated by ward mate, who on the tv extremely loud. It was four bedders but actually only have two of us. So the stay should be quite acceptable. And Raffles Hospital really give patients feel like it is a hotel n nurses services were really professional and good. They assure you and give smile.

Hence i insist to discharge ASAP.

Quite surprising that my colleauges came to see me. One of them actually brought me home :) thanks, folks!!!!!

On way home, vomitted twice and chest was feeling very tight. Felt like there is water trap somewhere.

Hospital called me, e nurse was quite upset that i did not go back to await for appointment card and my MC. OOPS i din rem they say that. They asked me to go Biz Centre to pay up only. Anyway, had appointment with doc on 16 Dec morning.

Whole night was torture. Cannot breathe, alot of flam in my throat but cos i cannot breathe too deep, dare not cough. Every squeeze or cough create this 'torn up' pain at chest.

On 16 Dec morning, hubby (goin-to-be Ex) decided to drive me to and fro the hospital. He was shocked of my medical bills. I am too. Cos i thought follow up will be included in the costings. Total about $7K. (so folks, if you dun get presents from me, you know y... cos still thinking of how to clear my credit card bills).

I want to give back justice to my Ex-to-be. He is hard hearted to want to proceed with divorce without blinkin of eyes. But he is equally nice to help me. Especially in afternoon, thick skinned me sms him to help me buy dinner cos i couldnt really walk. He let me sleep and got me my dinner. Heart warming dinner if he din know.

Eversince that day...

Remaking Mangojo

Mango seem not so nice name... Man Go.. should i change my nick?

But i wan the fruitty fruitty mango

Told my GRL and my colleagues that today is saddest n most insulting moment when he asked for my full name. Really feel like dying.. no joke.

No courage, useless me.

So i gotta to carry on living. Wonder is my soul dead or my heart dead... suddenly i dun find myself crying today aft that moment of urge to die.

In fact now thinking of how to face ppl when eventually this spreads ard.. labelled as 'failure', 'lousy', 'indeed the man made e wise choice', 'rejected goods, 'ugly', 'sth wrong''????

How can i do to combat all these and have a little dignity back?

I admit my failure n being lousiest. However to live on, i still need some dignity to lift my legs up and step forward every morning.

Asked my colleagues to sponsor me a drinking session on the dayy of signing agreement.

The next day i shall start a 3 day vegetarian diet. Need to do sth to make myself atone for all the sins i have made throughout these 9 yrs. I know that no matter how much i wan to remorse, i can never return hubby his youth n other oppt n to clear my tortures given to him. But let me do sth can? 3 days to wipe out memories.

Ok, friends, i need some more courage to let me go back on driving training school. Has lost that faith that i can do it. Friends, pls help, give me more encouragement

I need to be reborn

Failure

Perhap i have been over rating myself.

He and me really have alot of disparities. Imagine for years we go out, ppl will take him as superior cos he has this ang mo look.....

His friends say i got myself a good deal...

So i was quite 不知量力

Being strong headed i refuse to think that way.

But today finally reality crush head to head on me. He rang me and asked for my full name. He din even know my full name.. din know or have never bother to know? Not that he has been calling me darling , but he has always not been calling me name. SOmehow we communicated jus like that. Amazing isnt it?

Wat to do??? got to admit failure.

A moment of feelin to die, but no courage eventually.

If no courage to die, i got to carry on living.

Admit failure, remain shameful and reborn

two conflicting thoughts

Had a few sms from my bro bear.. kind soul that is concern abt me.
Had one sms from my ex classmate cum colleague
N few other beeps from friends

all worry abt me, aft hearing my plight

No worry lah, i still breathinjg

Came back hm aft a drink with my bro bear

Saw alot of things clear n clean

Heart feel so heavy again

Then he came to me askin about some details.

Din wan to talk much cos e preaching will start again. Went back rm aft bath

He came knocking on my door.

Tmr he is seeing a lawyer. He needs info so as to process the doc.

The hse can costs him easily $100k.

But he is willing to make himself bankrupt in order to break free from me.

Told me i m covered till old age even if i dun remarried again.

That i be assured he will help me buy back e flat. N e car as a gift

GOSH, how should i behave this moment? how should i feel?

It is dark in my room, tears roll continuously but i noe he cannot see. I replied back as matter of facts becos i got to feel gratitude toward him. How to cry again n make him worry?

He is doing all he can, even beyong his means to ensure safety net spread for me............. but somehow being devil, i also cant help to feel v sad n down n heartbroke that he jus cant wait to get rid of me, even if it costs all his fortune n get himself badly in debt

i m that scarey?

m not ok, feel like stopping all breathing

How i wish

Awoken from a bad nitemare

Dreamt that eventually he was jus joking, pullin my legs n everything back to fine

Shit, wat kind of dream.

E moment come back to reality, eyes open, it jus pull apart my heart.

Jus last nite, someone msn said i m silly n idiot

save me........