Monday, October 30, 2006

My worst is his Better

He is coming back tmr from China.

Sms-ed him if i have to move out or is there any change. I still need to mentally prepared (not really like wat many thought that i m very strong,actually).

He said, remain for now.

Should i be so selfish?

but i cannot bring myself to leave....

The song that says my inner feelings?

Ytd went to the PAYM concert, anticipating for SHE.

And yes, they sang that song (U can refer to my earlier blog, one that i put in the lyrics).

GOSH, lucky i din tear or too malu

Really tat how i feel many times

;)

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Waking up too early on a PH

Goshi Goshi

I thought today is saturday and force myself to jump out of bed - to watch my little Doraemon

idiot

So then planned to go out early to shop shop but then had diahorea (again and again). So n ow is 1120am n i am still at home.

Later going KTV with Pui Sze. Then dinner with Wei Pei and Justin.

Me and Wei Pei now MSNing. We are planning to go for the PAYM Concert. We all know it is only SHE tat attracts us haaaaaa

Ok, we still trying to find invitatin cards as i presume it is better seat or at least stand in front?

Very funny, they invited CCC & CCMC Chairmen. But aint these ppl kinda either too 'old' for it or jus too high class for a pop concert?

Dun waste invitation card lah, come on, pass to me!

;P

Monday, October 23, 2006

Sign of Worry - Getting tooo toooo independence

Was quite pleased with myself yesterday.

Sunday, 22 Oct 2006

Had to attend a temple function at 10am. Hence planned to go for haircut, grabbed lunch n go for swim.

The schedule turned tight when the function ended like 1158am n my hair cut appointment was 12noon.

So good that a GRL offered to send me there. So i reached there about 1205pm.. whew not to late

Hair Cut at Twister (Hougang Mall)
Was attracted by the purplish atmosphere hence decided to go there and try. I like STORM at JP but it is too far to travel there. Sinc they are sisters, a try would be less risky.

Enjoy the fact that the sylist is also the one that washes hair. That is a great different from Jean Yip as they tend to get trainee to wash hair n many times very unpleasant experience.

The only irritating thing is that this stylist kept ask or psycho me to colour my hair. I thought i told him straight am not interested for time being. He just rattle off n i kind of find myself buildin castle in the air to ignore him.

The cut looks good back in saloon but then like today i find it too short and too flat. Dun think is the style prob, it is me who cannot recreate back the feel...

Bought a shampoo there too. Now wonder to go back and get the conditioner. I guess i will stop buying every brand laid on hands and go for what saloon used. Actually save alot more money. I have few bottles of half used shampoo n conditioners, which i bought from SASA or off the rack n now dun find them as good as the instructions indicated.

Lunch
Actually thought i be very late but the cut only costs me 1 hour so could even catch lunch at the foodcourt.

Swimming
Ok, i know the sequence is not rite, having done up hair and then go swimming. But gemini being gemini, i jus wan to do things unconventional haaa

Got a new instructor (again). Had a big sms fight with the agency. Very unprofessional of them. Nevermind. I told the agent that i jus wan to enjoy the learning and shall not pursue. But dun keep testing my patience. Learnt 1.5hrs :)

I think i will go for own practices liao

Suddenly a thought flood in.... i think i have grown so independence and at ease with self doing things alone and eating alone. U know everyone will get a chance to do thing alone. But the loneliness n uncertainty can be quite fearful. however i begin to enjoy the serenity and no need to see and feel for others. I do what i planned. No need to worry if it cannot fit the other party

As some of my colleagues or friends know, i have this philiosophy *let's not argue if this is rite or wrong yet* tat if a woman gets too independence, then no need for a man in her life liao.

hmmmmmm... could this be a temporary syptom or really thati have changed? Became him, he said for the 6 months i was away, he already get use to w/o me. Maybe this is wat he wan me to come to term with.

In case this is jus false impression, i shall test myself again... independence n happy ;)

cheers, Mango!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Missing Blogs

Past two days i created few entries but they were not posted.

Came to realised that it is because ibook is not 'compatible' with blogger program.

So pity. Alot of inside stories.. ;P

ok, shock n very pai sey - i wrote an entry n actually someone told me today he knew i was writing about him! alamak............

Monday, October 09, 2006

Do and Not Do

Tdy woke up earlier than anticipated, somemore w/o alarm aid.

No mood to go work. Too many things in mind to concentrate on work. And the 16.5 annual leave from last year give me quite good reason not to go office.

Last round i got forfeited 9days. And then what do i get in return? Struggling with management. So not very worthwhile.

Wanted to go for theory and practical lessons but somehow feel very tire to travel.

Such a letdown me..

Maybe i just do not like travelling back. Going out is ok, it is always the coming back that give me the loneliness n aimless feel.

So not achieving anything today i guess.

Waste leave and time and opportunity.

Felt guilty :(

* wanna to jot sth i felt so sweet but cannot reveal alot.. so it gonna be a maze :P
It was very sweet to be treated that way, like a princess. Not becos desperate but it happened to be someone i like alot. Controlled liking .. but life never perfect rite?

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Haze n Daze

Not a good day..

Woke up at 4am and by the time 6+ fell asleep, the next moment i found myself woke up late for my work appointment.

Haiz.. quite piss... kinda of book cab to rush down but the other party was late. But i m paid staff so cannot say anything.

Then suppose to go for the trial theory test. In the end forsake and forgo that $5+. Haze & Daze.

Intend to go home after getting necessities from Compass Point but end up binging on Jnr Carls at Marina Sq.

Quite satisfy as i bought Fancl eye mask and facial mask. But now (after tryin to apply) very unhappy. The salesgal did not really bother to explain in details on how to use it. And the instructions all in Jap! Idiot, now thinkin of writign sth to complain against the counter gal.

O dear, i have stopped driving for 1 week and now like cannot rem how to do S n Crank Curves, Reverse direction and vertical parking. Wonder tmr if i request instructor to teach again, will he/she take me as alien...

Me is always like that.. can rem word by word but when come to hands on, gosh. Frantically searchin on the theory book but they all reflecting on manual car.. another piss me off thing ;P

I hope i can wake up on time tmr. And hope not so hazey. I like hazel nuts but not haze. Cant breathe well n super worry for my little bro.

Tmr after driving will have to rem to grab necessities from watson. Then take lunch and buy some snacks becos gotten attend a wedding dinner and usually not to early, got to wait and wait.

Recently spent too much. I think my bank a/c cannot tahan liao.. gosh.. turn old, being desserted can really make one imbalance

i wish to get more courage and go temple to pray. but i really scare to make that move. I have really let down Buddha with all my wrongdoings.

我搞不懂我们到底怎么了

落泪以前再看一眼
你模糊侧脸
这会不会是最后纪念
我凝视你而你凝视
窗外的阴天
一句抱歉都僵在嘴边
我搞不懂
我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后
是否
住着伤口
我想不透
我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后
是否
能让什么
复活

你的笑脸还在胸前
晃动着昨天
为何回忆会让人晕血
如果我们继续向前走进雨里面
会不会有溶解的危险
我搞不懂
我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后
是否住着伤口
我想不透
我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后
是否
能让什么
复活

明明从前
连真挚都很甜美
现在怎会
说句话就能肿一边
我搞不懂
我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后
是否
住着伤口
我想不透
我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后
是否
能让什么
复活

亲爱的陌生人

今年忘了约你去看入眠
认识你的第六年夏天
感觉本来就是微妙又爱恋
而时间却容易生倦
我们之间越来越遥远
最近天空总是蓝蓝灰灰
提不起劲的浪漫要怪谁
习惯是对生活的一种妥协
而时间却让我学会
难过时关上门一个人流眼泪
就让爱回温
我说亲爱的陌生人
这一段旅程
是我们回忆的重温
一个淳朴小镇
两个小小恋人
关不住青春
爱自由的眼神
一个吻一个永恒
坐看星星点亮的
就让爱回温
我说再见了陌生人
这一段回程
让所有感觉再沸腾
一个温暖眼神
两个微笑单纯
不必去追问
谁爱谁比较深
我们在爱的过程
回头看是单纯
往前看是诚恳

就让爱回温
再见了陌生人
这一段回程
让所有感觉再沸腾
一个温暖眼神
两个微笑单纯
不必去追问
谁爱谁比较深
我们在爱的过程
回头看是单纯
往前看是诚恳
woh~其实一扇门
oh ohyeh~
开门爱回温

I know wat in ur mind - is it still love or jus a part of past living

It 5am in the morning of Saturday, 7 Oct 2006.

Woke up unvoluntarily. Still feeling tire but jus cant control mind.

Dripping on too tight making my shoulders very heavy n pain.

Run through some songs in my laptop. There are tonnes of heartbreaking songs. So does it matter i am one of the leads?

Sometimes i yearn for him to come back emotionally. Sometimes i feel so tire that it is good to let go.

M not a saint. Despite been hoping he gets the best, still want him back.

Perhap must dig out my heart and see if it is black.

Recently not crying that much. Tear rollin is wept and fought back hard.

Recently been thinking of what will become in future.

Only yesterday someone told me it is ok if i am to be alone for rest of life if i have been through the patches. Self protection is most important.

Recently been trying to develop more activities for myself on top of work.

Gauging the slavery work, if i dun do sth now, i be really a desserted old hag that the world may think i m weirdo in 5 yrs to come.

This serenity now made me feel that it is calmer to not to think of this complex relationship anymore. But how such moment can persist?

过敏也是对你的思念。。。

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Day too long, Night too short

This phenomeon has been on going for more than 6 months.

The day he jus changed..

I have not been sleeping till wee hours. Very hard for me to fall asleep but harder for me to wake up in the morning.

Tis is 1.32am now (dun know y the time published out is different) , feeling v tire but jus cant fall asleep.

for so many months, i sleep with tv n laptop on.

i ever only slept at 4am although was very tire.

tmr also a challenge to wake myself up

;(

Left one blog for u

I left a blog entry in friendster's account, meant for my LTA kor kor (he no more work there).

Becos very worry for him.

But cannot disturb him.

And a little hope he will go into friendster and surf abit n happen to see my entry.

Hope he is fine and everything fine now

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

E new name din get me anywhr

My name was change back in yr 2000 ( i think)

Becos i was in a loss. Having a sweet romance in red of lies and bleak career.

Dun know to thank that friend or not, she introduced a fortune teller to me.

It is breakin me up with all his words still rinign in my mind.

Very scarey.

But that is not the point.

I asked for a change of name to aid me in my career. Turning back, sounded very silly. But when a person with stupidity and lost of hope, everything can be helpful.

So was given many character combination for the desire strokes to aid in career.

I chose tis combination. Din wan a very femine name. This one is good cos it sounded femine but the character is more of a male. Jus like Jovian... unisex.

Not totally bad for a change of name. U know it is like u close a chapter and start another...

Time to use this name again? I need a career change.. but really for a betterment.

Men!

Happen to read this blog from a guy i get to know from MSN. Not that i know him but we chatted abit.

Actually a bit of identity mistake that we started to chat. I thought he was someone i knew back in school. After one short chat, i withdraw conversation from him. Then only recently we chatted again (cant rem who initiated).

So he asked for my friendster address. I always thought he was one of the friendster friends i added! Gosh! haha

Too tire from working hence took a bit of time to go into friendster. Came across his profile and saw he updated his blog.

Then i realised he was divorced. One of the entires mentioned his talk with his ex wife. It hits me again. The wife after divorce waited for him 1.5 yrs, hopin he will ask to patch back. He commented that he wouldnt since he initiated the breakup.

Ya, it is not uncommon to hear that once men decide something, they wont turn back especially on relationship.

True enough.

When i left him, i still will want to keep in touch with him, hoping we can make up. Praying for his well being. Wanting to know how he is. Sneak back to do housework for him or to check if he is ok (without he knowing).

But now when he wants to back off, he is sooo cold. He tried to do sth but can sense his torment becos it is really v uphill task for him to try to do such thing. Once gone will never come back.

I am different. Becos i hope we can be together. I still want to know how he is and hope he gets the best. If really we are through, i still hope to know his whearabout and hear how he is. But i know clearly that it will not happen. When man leave, they leave forever..

你用六个月忘记我们的情缘,我用一生却未必能洗净思念和你的一切

Monday, October 02, 2006

wat become of me when i turn 40?

wonder how should i behave? how do i carry myself? wat tone to use?

will i be retrench? nobody by my side. Struggle life more n more?

life is bleak for ppl like me

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Tire Mango Tire Heart Confused Brain

Very tire, so many events and got to wake up early and work till late nite.

Very tire tire tire

Tire Heart whenever i think of us

Confused brain becos i really hope we can talk

Confused y are we stayin together but yet like stranger. Maybe we r like bro n sister.

Disgusting reality

Hurts becos jus saw red. N tmr has to wake up early n have heavy day

But who can i talk to?

I wan to give up everything but yet there are many responsibilities

y y y

haiz, Gemini is really hard to be ............... gotten fight two minds at one time.

maybe one day i jus go to IMH

-Ve side of Gemini is saying: forget mango, forget u, forget him, forget work, forget feelings, forget thoughts

+ve side of Gemini is saying: at least i be having some memories. at least i m still alive n breathing, wan to fight back at work, want to straight thought n move ahead

splitting headahche