See this pic, need i say more?

Gotten lousy results

:(

no motivation already

真情流露

just when i need sth to point out some unreasonable annual recurring incident, this one comes in handy. (also pondering y this was sent to me)

Some people suffer maybe 1-2 in life, whic to many e downturn was not so bad afterall. But because they think their sufffering is most unbearing, the whole world has to be with them. Then when situation turn n they become blessed again, they forgot they did suffer before. So when they are blessed they also expect the whole world to evolve around their WANTs.

Wat u did to help them during their downturn is now nothing. Because when u fail to meet their want, u r 'lousy'.

患難見真情的朋友，是所有人試目以待的．

HR Saga

First time such thing happen.

It is not new to me to study a part time course. But nothing dramatic like this happen.

Students protest not to have 2 assignments.

Then principal came for a feedback session.

Then the only man in the class wrote an email that stipulate sexual discrimination.

In the first place, do not understand how he interprete that teaching a class makeup mainly of women can be challenging.

His email tried to put very nice words for the lecturer, put the women down n said he himself done what was needed.

That was still fine. For that discrimination, i would only view that this man is shallow.

Yesterday he wrote another email quite unexpectedly. He cited he agreed with 'all' that the lecture is bad. Thunderous i tell u! Do not think 'all' said that. Anyway even ppl like me who voice out some feedback did not say lecture is bad. The truth casted is that he has yet to do the assignment n he does not know how.

Which contrast significantly from his first email.

I am not here to gossip about him.

But think the act is really selfish. If he is unhappy, voice as he is. Dun drag all in.

So many saga for a course. Group internal conflict also email to whole class.

Make me feel rather disinterested. If again, such email war out, m going to tell him off. Dun send junk mail over.

Anyway, jus to share some background about the complains from the class.
Some do not want 2 assginments cos no time as it is intensive course.

I do not go against 2 assignments as if it is requirement, jolly well get my ass on it. But feedback as extracted below:

"This is not the first time i take up a part time course. Having deal with a few Not-for-Profit and even Non Profit institutions, i would say this round, some things came quite a shock to me.

Notes - it is really quite distasteful to not have notes printed for us for the lesson on time. Regardless of where the fault lie, this should not happen again. In anyway, decent things meant for a class/lesson are (1) Classroom, (2) Visual aids like projector, (3) Lecture Notes, (4) Lecturer with good knowledge and vast applicable experiences to share. Surely this is not too much an expectation?!?

Reading Materials - Our TIGHT schedule is not a secret. We attend lessons on Fri nite, Sat & Sun full day. If lecturer require us to have some material notes to read esp meant for exam purpose, it is reasonable to provide instead of having us searching around for the textbook. Sad to say we do not really have that luxury of time. Wonder if institution brief lecturers on such constraint during engagement? It is important for them to understand as Intensive Course may be quite a new concept to most.

Arrangement during Sundays - It is rather unfair to the lecturer to look after the classroom when we need go for lunch. I rem last Sunday Mr PBS has to skip his lunch as he cannot find the caretaker to lock up the classroom. Mr Adrain Wong had his fair share also. Coordination needs to be tightened.

Understand this is the first Intensive intake hence likely to have many things not well thought of. But really hope the future arrangements will improve significantly. We have 3 more modules to go...."

握紧的双手其实抓不住什么

握紧的双手你能抓得住什么
给你海阔和天空又有什么用
我们都骗不过自己
我们都太过自信
才让我们都忘了珍惜
握紧的双手其实抓不住什么
渴望自由的人往往最不自由


V early this morning about 2am, had a chat with a friend over msn on how vulnerable ppl can to afraid to lose what we have. The more force u add in attemp to retain sth, e more it will go..

i like Sun's song 握紧. tat part of lyrics say alot.

It is not about only lover/relationship. jus anything

我空空的来，空空的离去;)

Dental Dentist

Aug is the Healthy Teeth Month.

U get to have free consultation with some participating dental clinic.

Missed out using ex co's benefit for dental care.

Went ytd, purposely picked a higher class one cos consultation is free n to save their reputation, they will give a thorough better analysis. Smart mango!

Yap. alot of good tips

But not the costs quoted.

Unfortunately i do not dig gold. $600 for a molar filing is sth i gues i do it in dream.

Gonna to get treatment from neighbourhood clinic.

Btw, do ur dental floss. Sth i never really believe now i do!

N dentist recommend this satin one as i was/still worry that flossing can create bigger gap in between teeth. She said this is more gentle.

Ok, Oral B better pay me for promoting ur product!!

Am taking Calcium tablet from today onwards. Old already everything must take care not cos of vain. Just do not wan to invite unncessary breakdown that can cost great bomb.

疯了

erratic mind.

think sooner or later i will stay in IMH. No joke

behind the scene

Always glam to see the stage but behind the scene.......

lesson to learn: dun be distracted when peeling waterchest nut. No i wont hate u...

Part 2: Chef Jo

Take so long to load one pic. Chicken already in my stomach liao. Which mean tonite no chicken heehee

Lunch & Dinner today :)

Er.. i dun know how to have few pics in one post lei..

anyway:
Chef Jo creates Vege mix soup
Main leads: Cabbage, Carrot, Mushrooms
Supporting Lead: 1 pc of chicken (that's wat i left with)
Extras: Sour plum, shallots, light soya sauce, ginger slices, waterchest nuts
Never invited: MSG

Grading: ******

to be continued....

say not busy actually m

counting days...

:(

no confident to wake early n not falling sick!

this moment of weakness

Ppl would always expect me to be happy, cheery and jovial.

I tried n try n succeeded to put on act most of e times.

Suck, this moment jus feel so tire n weak.

Not so much cos of exam but e hurt that got deeper.

E process is really scarey. Sometimes it even involve mind game.

Maybe i should once again disappear n that could be better?

dun like the drama as i am not in control.

Lose control is sth v scarey


Here or there i jus cant shake off e hurt

But also know that hurt only work on self if i wan it to overrule.

Y did i ever let other ppl to ruin my life once and again?

Crappy tat make me wan to eat crab

sometimes i seek friends for virtual hugs.

Today an ex colleague suddenly msn me a hug.

Tat friendship knot i will always rem

Now, a friendship hug can give me courage to walk a little further

eve of exam n still KLKK

No mood

Too many other things to ponder about

Too many other things to get nervous over

Dun fail me

Translate me!

The first milestone was passed when the ancient Greeks recognised that wind and rain, heat and cold, were not caused by deities punishing or rewarding their subjects but rather by processes taking place in atmosphere.


Wat is ur Chinese translation???

Answer be provided on next page

Lost- suddenly lazy

I been a lazy person for life.

Past few yrs work kept me busy n not a time for breathing.

Now suddenly i sinked into state of laziness again

wan to do alot of things but end up doing nothing

Looking back, it is really scarey to work like mad

no more courage for such workload n maddness

It disgusting!

Somehow secretly beginn to get this notion - some oldies ard me try to boast their morale using me.

How?

Like wan me go drink with them...

when i say old it is really OLD.

I dun discriminate friend of any age. But the intention is questionable.

Dun ask me who n start ur nonsense guessing cos most dun know this person.

Yesterday somebody asked me how that 'bro' i called so dear.

Very sad to say he did not respect me

Having divorce does not mean i m a desperate one

Disgusting.

Friends!

Met two long lost friends this evening.

Secondary school friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

feel like a human again

Though abit distance but i think as time pass by will get back momentum.

Goodbye PA, Goodbye times whr i feel inferior to meet friends. Goodbye a marriage that made me worst in front of ppl, goodbye time i cant control

** m tipsy now.. well from mocha

think long term or short term?

Money or loyalty?

Studies, Assignment, Leaving Service, New job, Advance Theory, pc game

These are the things kept me busy from writting blog.


Anyway quite disappointing, thought can know more ppl but as usual not fruitful.

Guess i not the 'first eye' friend. Ppl will only talk to me after a few times. I wonder how to create that 'first hit' instantly.

Anway does not really matter.

I hope my friend stop telling ppl i m married. It is quite embarassing when new acquainted ppl ask 'wat ur hubby doing', 'u have children'??? aiyo! i din even tell them i married lei.

2 Aug - good or bad??

need ur blog add again

changed laptop so dun have ur blogs liao.

dun scold me but still dun know how to do the link.

used to bookmark your blogs lei...

ok? if u read this, pls kindly leave a comment to indicate your blog address hor!

m i ready!!

Looking back

Race through some of my past blogs.

Cos got a new reader (heehee). Somehow make me want to reread my blog.

That period was pain full of pain & hurt. Tears every minute

Now m i better? i dun think so. Until e day i dare to pick up karaoke singing again. Cos some songs can trigger tear gland again.

But guess coping better. More control.

Thanks to friends who show concern. They are also helpless on how to help me. But by those messages and concerns, really good enough to make me stronger

Thanks to some books offered by Mr Edward Chye. Pain to read what authors said, realise what mistakes in the marriage. But it calm me down somehow

Thanks to my past which was no better ... dad passed away, i carried the responsibiltiy of providing for family, doing my studies & work, challenges at work, 1st boyfriend slept with other woman etc, so not tat really bad.

Some ppl commented my life is a sad story. Sometimes i do think so. But dun like to keep self pity.

Have pick up some courage (though sometimes procastinate again) to move on life.

But if time turn back, 那个人还会是你！

Now? no, i refrain from emotional attach.

found ?

一生一次和火星亲密接触



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


　　古今中外和外星人有关的科幻小说和电影，十之八九有一个共同点：外星人都来自火星（Mars)，而且，大概不会是善类。
　　这样的推理能不能成立，地球人的天文研究还没有达到能下判断的时候，可这种“传言”实际上延伸出一个问题：地球人对于火星，是既熟悉又陌生，好像找到一些答案，却又产生更多疑问。
　　火星是地球人耗资最多进行探索的行星，因为地球和火星有一些相似的地方，让地球人一直认为火星上应该也有生命，只是这些年来探索得到的结果，却把应该渐渐熟悉的阶段推向更大的陌生领域，火星至今还是地球人无法完全了解的“近邻”。
　　在太阳系（Solar System）九颗行星当中，火星排行第四，和“老三”地球的距离第二近（离地球最近的行星是金星（Venus））。火星离地球到底有多近呢？天文学家提供的数据是：不固定，可以长达1亿138公里，也可以短至5500万公里。
　　8月27日晚上8点（新加坡时间），火星将运行到6万年来距离地球最近的位置。到时候，火星和地球的距离约为5576万公里，大概是太阳和地球距离的三分之一，火星亮度（magnitude）将达到负三等，是一个非常罕见的天文奇观。
　　天文学家把这种天文奇观称为“火星大冲”（Mars Opposition），而这样的“火星大冲”在公元前5万5534年前发生过一次，而下一次要再看到，就要等到2287年8月28日了。
　　2287年距离现在是284年，这一代的地球人何其幸运，有机会把火星看得最清楚，对于火星，也会有更大的遐想。
　　今天，在地球人等待和火星进行最“亲密的接触”的当儿，让我们先来了解，这颗和我们关系密切的行星。


1.　　火星名字的由来

　　古罗马帝国（公元前27年至公元476年）人因为火星既亮又红，令人想起血和战争，因此把它命名为战神马尔斯（Mars）。至今，我们仍沿用这个名字。实际上，在古代，不同民族的人都给予火星不同的名字：巴比伦人称它为死神（内尔加尔），希腊人则为它取名为战神（阿瑞斯）。可不管人类为火星取一个怎么样的名字，它都让人类想起战争和混乱。


2.　　地球和火星相似的地方

　　－地球和火星都属于类地行星（terrestrial planets）。
　　（类地行星的家族还有水星(Mercury)和金星(Venus)。类地行星的特点是，由较重元素的固体组成，通常体积较小。木星(Jupiter)、土星(Saturn)、天王星 (Uranus)和海王星 (Neptune)，则全都是由气体，主要是氢（Hydrogen)和氦(helium)等构成的巨大类木行星 (jovian planets)）。
　　－地球和火星一样有四季，不过火星每一季的长度是地球的两倍。
　　－火星的一日是24小时又41分钟，和地球的24小时非常接近。
　　－火星可能和地球一样，也有水。这也是地球人从70年代开始就一直致力探索火星的最重要原因。如果火星真有水，它很可能就会成为适合人类居住的。

3.　　地球人对火星进行探索

　　早在1960年，地球人就开始对火星进行探索，然而，不管是由前苏联还是美国派出太空船，都以失败收场。
　　比较成功的一次任务是在1965年7月，美国水手四号成功地完成火星近天体探测飞行，传送第一批详细的火星照片。
　　真正让地球人感到兴奋的，则是美国维京号在1976年时传回来的照片，照片显示火星上的奥林巴斯山西北面的悬崖好像被水侵蚀而成。
　　可是，因为经费问题，至维京号在1976年传回照片之后，地球人再也没有进行任何火星有关的太空任务，一直到1988年和1992年，前苏联及美国再派出太空船执行火星任务，可是，太空船最后都在漫漫太空里失踪了。
　　这个火星是否有海水的迷，一直要到1999年美国派出的环球探索者号所拍回的照片才得到解答，近距离拍摄到的非常清晰的照片显示，悬崖显然不是由海水侵蚀而成的，令火星曾有海洋的说法出现动摇。
　　然而，环球探索者号在2000年6月拍到的一些高解象度的照片，却带来了一些发现。根据这些照片，科学家可以清楚看到水沟、水道和三角洲，相信是由高速水流造成的，虽然不太清楚是何时造成的，但“火星上有水”的说法，又再出现实证说明。根据科学家的研究，火星的水应该是被封在两极或藏在地底，这一次的发现，也大大地提高了火星曾经有生物存在的可能性。
　　事实上，地球人在很早就对火星上是否有生物产生很大的好奇：10万年前，有一颗来自火星的岩石坠落在地球北极。人们在陨石里发现了，可能是生命所留下的痕迹化石，这化石是30亿年前在火星上形成的，这是不是表示，火星在很久很久以前，有生命存在？
　　从2001年到未来，地球人已经为火星任务提出具体目标，对火星进行表面土地的分析及地表探测，可以的话，也希望能够收集火星的岩石标本，带回地球进行研究。


4.　　要怎么样才可以看到火星？


　　科学馆副馆长张锦球说：“用肉眼来看，其实火星在8月27日前后的大小都差不多。除了月亮外，火星不是天空中最大的星星。但它会比一般的星星显得更红。”
　　这里告诉大家看火星的几个步骤：
　　·先找一个在东南（southeast）方向没有被高楼遮挡的地方，这个地方最好也没有耀眼的街灯。
　　·在晚上9点之后可以开始观察了，第一个小时内由于火星刚刚从地平线“升起”，寻找时可能有一点难度，可之后情况就“明朗”多了，你会发现有一颗不会眨眼的“星星”，看起来又比一般的星星大，又呈橙黄色，那就是火星了。
　　有兴趣的朋友，也可以在本月30日晚上7点30分至12点，参加科学馆所举行的火星派对，通过望远镜来观赏这个数万年罕见的天文奇观。

Amateur Status Advantage


Professionals observed big things far away and published in the prestigious Astrophysical Journal—which, as if to rub it in, ranked papers by the distances of their subjects, with galaxies at the front of each issue, stars in the middle, and planets, on the rare occasion that they appeared in the Journal at all, relegated to the rear. Amateurs showed schoolchildren the rings of Saturn at 76 power through a tripod-mounted spyglass at the State Fair. Inevitably, a few professionals disdained the amateurs. When Clyde Tombaugh discovered Pluto, the astronomer Joel Stebbins, usually a more charitable man, dismissed him as “a sub-amateur assistant.” There are of course professionals who kept up good relationships with amateurs, and amateurs who did solid work without fretting over their status. But generally speaking, the amateurs lived in the valley of the shadow of the mountaintops. Which was odd, in a way, because for most of its long history, astronomy has been primarily an amateur pursuit.


Nicolaus Copernicus, who in 1543 moved the Earth from the center of the universe and put the Sun there instead (thus replacing a dead-end mistake with an open-ended mistake, one that encouraged the raising of new questions), was a Renaissance man, adept at many things, but only a sometime astronomer. Johannes Kepler, who discovered that planets orbit in ellipses rather than circles, made a living mainly by casting horoscopes, teaching grade school, and scrounging royal commissions to support the publication of his books. Edmond Halley, after whom the comet is named, was an amateur whose accomplishments—among them a year spent observing from St. Helena, a South Atlantic island so remote that Napoleon Bonaparte was sent there to serve out his second and terminal exile—got him named Astronomer Royal.


Even in the twentieth century, while they were being eclipsed by the burgeoning professional class, amateurs continued to make valuable contributions to astronomical research. Arthur Stanley Williams, a lawyer, charted the differential rotation of Jupiter’s clouds and created the system of Jovian nomenclature used in Jupiter studies ever since. Milton Humason, a former watermelon farmer who worked as a muleteer at Mount Wilson, teamed up with the astronomer Edwin Hubble to chart the size and expansion rate of the universe. The solar research conducted by the industrial engineer Robert McMath, at an observatory he built in the rear garden of his home in Detroit, so impressed astronomers that he was named to the National Academy of Sciences, served as president of the American Astronomical Society, a professional organization, and helped plan Kitt Peak National Observatory in Arizona, where the world’s largest solar telescope was named in his honor. (From: The Best American Science & Nature Writings)


Amateurs have, for millennia, led the way to exploring the heavens, and despite a disadvantage in the size, technology and positioning of telescopic equipment, continued to compete well with professionals throughout the 20th century. How were they able to compete? Because astronomy is all about curiosity, diligence, and patience—the attributes of successful investors and business analysts.


The amateur investor has every right to believe he or she can compete toe to toe with professional money managers. From my humble office overlooking the Singapore River, with only an Internet connection and a bookstore discount card I have been able to achieve 40% annual total returns over the last several years, soundly outperforming AsiaPacific fund managers with teams of analysts, billions of dollars worth of influence, board seats, Bloomberg screens, and company Mercedes. Well, I wouldn’t mind the company Mercedes, but all the other bells and whistles have not added to fund investor’s fortunes. In fact, it certainly costs them dearly.


The heavens don’t change very quickly, and neither do businesses. An amateur astronomer and an amateur investor have this distinct advantage of slow paced phenomena to observe. Up-to-the-second news flashes and streaming stock prices don’t help improve portfolio returns any more than up-to-the-minute star charts would help astronomers. Amateur astronomer Stephen James O’Meara, son of a Cambridge, Massachusetts lobster fisherman, while still a teenager, saw and mapped radial “spokes” on Saturn’s rings that professional astronomers dismissed as illusory—until Voyager reached Saturn and confirmed that the spokes were real. He determined the rotation rate of the planet Uranus, obtaining a value wildly at variance with those produced by professionals with larger telescopes and sophisticated detectors, and proved to be right about that too. He was the first human to see Haley’s comet on its 1985 return, a feat he accomplished using a 24-inch telescope at an altitude of 14,000 feet while breathing bottled oxygen. Fortunately for the amateur investor, no modern tools of stock analysis have proven more valuable than good judgment and business sense (common sense).


The 3 May 2004 Straits Times Money writer, Lee Su Shyan says, "Few retail investors have the time and resources to conduct the kind of in-depth research that a professional fund manager can accomplish, so retail investors often don't know what questions they need to ask." I think the real reason few fund managers attend AGMs is because few fund managers really care about the business and management, as their turnover ratios clearly show. If you don't own a business long enough to collect dividends, why would you care about dividend policies? If you don't own a business long enough for a strategy to unfold, why would you care about the long-term business outlook? If you can buy IPO placement shares and dump them a day later, how important is the AGM? How many funds owned Informatics and failed to ask management the right questions?


One or two in ten fund managers outperform relevant indexes over the years, so why are they held up as geniuses with all the 'intelligent questions'? I don't know how many fund managers Lee Su Shyan knows, or how many AGM were personally attended to write such an article? I attended eight AGM during April for businesses held by our WS8 Portfolio at WallStraits, and in general I would say retail investors are long-term focused, and informed enough to ask probing, relevant, and 'intelligent' questions of their management. There are the occasional 'share price' questions and the occasional nonsense questions, but these are the exception, not the rule.


Big professionally managed funds, despite their sophistication, suffer under the weight of billion dollar portfolios, while amateurs can nimbly accumulate small stakes in a handful of enticing micro-cap businesses not even on the fund radar screen. Just like the Cold .45 was an equalizer in the Wild West, the Internet is the equalizer for small investors, placing an incredible amount of business and industry information at your fingertips. Interpretation, not information, is the limiting factor for investors today. Businesses evolve quarter-to-quarter and year-to-year. Long-term trends in sales, earnings and intelligent capital allocation that indicate strong shareholder-orientation is what slow-motion observers search for. And better than amateur astronomy, amateur investing pays well!



Anyone who wants to be a truly great observer should start with the planets, because that is where you learn patience. It’s amazing what you can learn to see, given enough time. That’s the most important and critical factor in observing—time, time, time—though you never see it in an equation.


-- Stephen James O'Meara

Watch ouT

gotten to have some intersting things to write here

Lychee Martini

Hee tat is last fri

same thoughts

fun

surprise

friendship? :)really dun wan to forget the invitation cos friend hard to come by??

糟了！

不晓得按了什么钮，这网页全显现华文！：P

刚才还在摸索如何转换以华语书写。。。

槽了，讲华文好像一如翻掌，可现在发现错误百出！！！

一定要用功了!

一无所用！！！！！！！！

要赢要赢，不要再输给她人！！！！

a $95 printer

Been wanting to buy a printer since the day i think i will tender resignation.

So set a painful budget of $200.

Then surfed net overnite and Canon caught my eyes as it is have its 70 yr anniversary. So saw a bubblejet printer at $179...then $149...

Wen to Vivocity yesterday to meet a GRL for lunch (so as to get my butt out of hse). After that stroll ard. Did not really bother with clothes etc. Been doing that before GSS so now loss interest. Anyway normal times discount is 20% n GSS still go abt 20%, nothing thrill. At Canon showroom saw ip1880.. $109. So much slimmer also.

But still unsure becos it stated photo printer... will it not able to print colour doc??????

So many questions in mind.

Today went to Sim Lim with a friend. Wow, $95 only! and can still go and redeem a mouse at Funan.

Ok, i bought Sony Vaio also. Not rich lah, if rich i go for fujisu. E 1 in my office is so slim and light. But it costs at least $3k!!!! Got VGN C25G - Black. Cos the other colour look like cartoon... pink, green... even the baby blue cannot raise appetite.

Y did i buy? cos once i out of job would still need a machine to work on. Have ibook but many things cannot download or upload. Imagine i just want to apply passport online it said cannot. I wan to go to Sony website it said cannot.. n many more application prob. REN WU KE REN so die die no $ also get to buy one...

Now i have prob. cannot interchange to key in chinese words. GOSH. HOpe can be solved...

ibook.. so many cannot!

saw this cheap digital voice recorder at $99. wanted to buy but non compatible with Mac so how?

i will change it soooooooonnnnnnnnn

Jealous!

how come no one talk to me and ask me to take on SCM post last time! :(

How come now i wan to leave nobody bother to give me encouragement esp on my studies?????


everytime liek that one. Ppl assume i can do it or i will manage.

But i still woman mah, somemore old liao.. need encouragement.


UNFAIR UNFAIR UNFAIR

Calling to give up? Never had so i created

In the bus suddenly i wonder how come this time i jus give up the job like that!!!!

In the past i kept say want to quit but did not. Even now ppl dun really believe me.

But i really going to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly feel cannot bear to leave cos i enjoy the mega events. Many eyes looking at how i solve problems on the spot.

Suddenly felt that somebody GOD is trying to make me pave way for him to get up there. But i suddenly dun feel angry.

Instead off the bus i told Wilson that his GOD is arranging it so that he can take on. So he CANNOT REJECT w/o trying

To try and die is ok. No try yet die is a NO NO.

Never take up how to know if can handle? If tried and cannot handle n fail then jus leave.

I left him with these words

Those words are for myself also. Suddenly i dun wan to u turn and remain in that big cosy room. An office room i called it MINE. I may not have anymore such oppt in my life anymore to enjoy e priviledge. Will i regret? I will i think. But i dun wan to think so much already. Jus feel like want to take the course, even go down to executive.. will be hard but after so many years being suppressed. Live for other. I wan to do sth silly but been hoping...

Will have prob with my course cos need project group n i know ppl wont liek me the first tiem they see me. So i may end up with no group. Tat deters me. Worry me. But i dun wan to give up.

A friend commented i am a 'good boss'. He said he never have. I told him i DIN have also. So when i got the oppt to be a boss, i created that. Ok, some will still think i am not good. But i done my best to protect staff. Think have done most. Other gaps is cos mgmt style still not established.

today a day full of hope n alot of uncertainties

At this moment.......

i want to live to the fullest.......... study, work,friends and exercise

Ppl like to give stupid judgement

I already said to leave this job is becos of studies. y ppl like to form reasons for me???

'cannot cope with work'? If so, i wont be able to do until today!!!

GOSH, i hate to be accused

一夜长大

Hurt Heart got deeper cut recently.

从此无情无爱 。。。。。。。。。

Never keep to time

It was about 2am last nite i fell asleep.

It was 6.50am today i woke up.

that's about 5 hours of zzz only.

My hp alarm indicated 8.30am


This is recurring again and again.

Dun like to wake up early as will have morning sinus n realy bad one. Perfect if i get up say 9.30am

Maybe maybe i am subconsciously adjusting myself to a new change

Really hope the changeS can occur


I also wan to be like bro bear, put pic here :P

MUST NOT

Always have this problem. Appetite tends to grow at night. Lucky not vampire going ard to suck blood.

Today i did it again. Ate a big bowl of noodles at 11pm. Ytd past midnight.

:(

No wonder tummy jus grow.

Can you all pls keep remind me dun eat at nite??????????

无可救药

wat a FISH!

:)

First time dealing with a fish n yeah so much succes

But while holding it, i felt like crying... it seemed staring at me citing i m a murderer

the outcome was real good, even myself cannot believe it

:) :) :)

Star Grading: TWO and a half

Very anxiously waiting

Why is two simple tasks turn so difficult????

Spend money n time n still have to wait.

Tat change should be swift.

how how, make me anxious only

Dun make me have 2nd thought on it,plssssssssssssssssssssssss

Bday blessings

Think maybe good to change my bday to 25th May

Quite a few of friends thought is that day ;P

in this case, i got two greetigns (u know who u r n how u were coerced to send another sms on 26th haaaaa)

E special one: last yr n this yr u were with me ard my bday. M a boring person n u r a busy person. Thanks for the time spent. Sorry to waste your time.

E other special one Sleepy. There were one or two yrs u with me on my bday. N many presents wor! heeheee Thanks so much loving Sleepy

Two 'nieces' = who often get on my nerve but the yearly present is sth to look forward whahahahahahaa

the slice of cake - oops tat 'force' me to add one more candle to my bday cake lei

Someone missing forever in my life - no greeting fr u. Thanks alot cos tht reinforcement is really impt.

Crabs- heeheeeeeeee

26th,27th, 28th May 2007

i m ok

i will be ok

i will pull through

i can be better after the 3 days


They are just days

the ocean is vast

i wont think of it, they aint frigtening

every day will get by easier easier n easier

Nxt yr these days r jus normal days w/o pain, hatred and feel of betrayal

there was only 2 pax many yrs ago. Now with 3.

If the other two r happy, y m i left out?

i will be happy

I will pull through

y y y

cos i m JOVIAN KOH. Weathered alot of storm. this is nothing as worst before

相信就做的到

Not sleeping Sleep

This week on leave intermittentlly

Today suppose go office but since the dialogue is cancelled. I happily stay home abit more.

Tried to read on a book.

Funny, how come i feel so much inertia to read this book as compared the past two? it is about being successful.

Just before coming back to laptop, tried to grap a nap.

But the 30min was waste of time. Every time i was abt to fall asleep, sth jus make me jump. really, the heartbeat jus pull me back to conscious again. Angry

Jus hoping to zzz abit, abit is really satisfying, pls

Human likes to be a fool

I know wat lies today for me.

The press & TV media wont be coming and even if come does not mean they will cover it. And even print media is here, there is not TV media n hence i will be doomed.

A small scale exercise and they think that all the media will come and cover.

E story itself is not really captive.

E scale also.

But O.C thoght he is doing the Project of the Year in this country.

Fainting.

I will be e scapegoat already

Tire of that. Jus keep stirring among the fools

Its e SICK season

this mornign suppose to go on course.

I woke at 7am n force myself to bath with thunderstorm rite outside the window.

Then headache, stomachache n running nose.

No choice, went to clinic instead. Thought it will be fast cos it was only 8.30am lor. But i already in number 12th position!!!!

N ppl ard me are like a mirror to me. Same pattern.. all nose red red

pull myself n came back to office.

Staff also sick but he still come to work. So i got to since i m e 'boss' tat wat they hinting.

Head soooo heavy

Emails keep piling.

Ppl keep accusing us of not efficient.

Fuck them. come here and work n they know wat we are doing

So this is the woman who cried innocently

Being the culprit calling herself the victim.

So this bitch works in OCBC HQ, Audit

No no, i dun blame her. I pity her. Cannot find other man out there.

If she tink it is her trimph then i really need to observe a moment of silence for her

Let God continues to forgive u cos ppl sinned, not to say a bitch

Thank you for letting me have a new start. I dun like messy stuff

So need protection

Want to travel alone. But still lack the courage.

Sux, whenever i hear friends esp woman, going alone. I feel so useless!

Confess, i hardly a team person. Hate to rush and to accomodate irritating ppl. So going with others can be challenged. Especially my inspiration to travel is so ahoc. The Bangkok trip was a classic one. Left within 2 hours.说走就走

Ytd had dinner with friends. Quite happy. Relaxing Sat nite. One of the topics was travelling. But somehow i still 'hate' Australia. Haaaaaaa ..... cos my anger will grow again whenever i hear that country. Not the country fault ok! it is becos i will recall my 1st BF, who betrayed me while he studied there. N the betrayal leads to my subsequent abnormalities in love life.

Damn, sway away from this talk... hmm wat i should then write? Ok, ytd nite, i took stocktake on my face paper masks, scrub and make up. So many things i need to buy:
face paper masks - skinfood as so much cheaper
face scrub - should i stick to Shiseido's warm scrub???
compact powder - shiseido? lancome? chanel? fancl? headache
Body Scrub - coffee bean scrub from skinfood? but WP & PS said expensive
Blusher - suspect the blusher is contaminated that y my face got breakout! :P
Vitamin E Body Lotion - Existing 3/4 left bottle from Body Shop is not really effective. Nothing special effect.
Makeup Base - to continue with fancl? it is so much cheaper...
Eye Concealer - need a stronger one.. cos this one from lancome already not effective. My dark circle condition worsen. From 1 layer to 6 layers also cannot cover!

and so much more................

MONEY NO ENOUGH

Missed chance on Ben & Jerry

Hmm it never seem i m fated to indulge on B&J.

The first time i missed it was when my smart colleague put the whole tube in the lower section of fridge instead of freezer compartment lor!

Today i finally got a chance but then was stopped cos it was seemed too silly to sit on those animated seats. So ended up trying to act high class at H.D.

Anyway, i felt v gulity having taken ice cream. It is hard nowadays to look down cos that big belly.

Have told a friend to rem to take IKEA measuring tape for me. I guess have to monitor expansion on daily basis. N told friend to take 2 not 1. Cos 1 not enough to go round tummy leI!

now cant wait to put on my 'maternity' blouse

msn friendster

aiyo, recently i found myself not so faithful in front of laptop. In fact i used to be online till wee hours. Now i dun. Din even check working emails at home.

Watching TV n sleeping become my major R&R. Not to mention those irritting housework. I really wonder... i dun spend so much time at home n y the floor forever looks n feel so dirty lei! MAD!

Jus a spur of moment to change topic..... so gemini

My tummy jus baloon n ballon. Now i wonder is that fats or tumour! haaa somehow the latter will be better choice for me LOL. So tdy i went to shop aft a stupid brisk walk. N i have updated my wardrobe with a number of oversize tops. Thos that pregnant ladies will wear bah :P (o, shit, no no , not pregnant lah). Hope it can cover my bloated tummy lei. So sad. I have never been fat before.........

Inspiration to leave a job

Hmm not yet not yet.

Not prepare to leave w/o a job. $ is one thing but also dun wan to be too comfy at home n then living in my own world again.

Still rem vividly that the period b4 i joined PA, actually confine myself at home. Din even want to step out house. I dun wan tat to happen again.

Already now staying alone, i face 4 walls every nite (not v big deal, not horny to wan a man beside k! heehee). Imagine i live w/o a job? then the 4 walls become my full time buddies!

i told one of myy GRLs via sms ytd nite. Work is bored, no work also bored. So he concluded for me that then stay at work. So still get chanced to be irriated! wahahah

my next job cannot have oppt to deal with customers, no shift work, no sales

too tiny in the ocean

1.5 days being alone.

Not really feeling lonely. Quite enjoy the serenity.

But somehow feel so uneasy.

Tat brings me to think if i should proceed with my plan to quit first w/o job (aside worry about $). Will i get use to not so hectic life?

Need someone or some people to go a R&E trip lei.

Need some more tings to do to make myself feel presence.

What is Enough? Need e right thermometer !

So wat is enough? If without adjustment it would mean the cats want more fishes but by going to the black market?

How do you call yourself 'capable'? Ur individualo results in between cinque ETÀ did not see soaring in number. I rem or at least currently i m being gauge by % increase.

So how come all r being up?

Daddy Gor Gor

This LTA bro suddenly willing to reach me back again

First time i addressed him is 'daddy'

haaaaaaaaaaaaa..

y? cos his factory v powderful, he got twins recently

Now like a full grown man, he has to take care of wife, a pair of twins n a car.

Too bad i dun really know how to appreciate kids. So did not really know wat to ask abt his babies. He must be cursing me heeheee

So this daddy better make sure dun loset contact with me lah. No matter wat happen, i can allow u to hide for awhile but u must ensure come back n look for me!!!!!

still cannot figure out

how to put my friends' blog link on mine

Too impatience to read n understand those instructions

got hint? someone gotten do for me lor

;P

Insomnia or just craving for time for doing own thing?

It is 3.05am now.

Cant sleep.

Not that i have slept earlier.

Actually these few days been workig till read late. On Monday, even worked till 3am n woke up 7am on the next day for meeting.

Feeling very tire but somehow cant zzz.

Sometimes i wonder if this is e cause of staying late for work that make it such an habit..or i just yearn for extended time for myself. U know i work average 1 day 14hrs, and many weeks 7 days continuously without off. My life is only work n letting ppl abuse. I yearn for more time for reading or even blog.

But my blog also full of complaints heeheee

Gonna to carry on like this? i dun noe. it is not only lonely but aimless. But then again i need job n money

Karaoke

I rem one time i use KTV in short n a friend face turned colour.... KTV sounded like those .... oops

Have not been goin to sing for long time. I like to sing alot. But recently when hear song will burst. So quite worry i will weep n then so awkward rite? 1 time i did n my friend jus kept silence... oops

but really hope to sing again :(

Dash

Shaken
Saddened
Broken
Repair work
Amendment
Feel still awkward
foreign
brushing pass
danger zone
wat lies in front???

maze, secret, reveal, game over?!!!

haahahaahahahah

Check it out!

Came in to check if my blog gonna missing again ;P

ok, safe and here i m writing rubbish......

Since i sold my Toshiba old laptop now using iBook. But with external keyboard cos the keyboard pad of the ibook is spolit. First time use laptop n met such problem. I went to e service centre and they wan to charge me $240 to change it! pls lah, jus one day after warranty the pad spoil. I say LOUSY! n lost faith with this brand liao......

Then now still thinkin of how to activate the chinese wordings. One of the things i wan to do this year is to write short notes using mandarin... wan to compile it as ebook ... a little writer mango

at this hour, still at home...but working.. heehee can access partially to office network......

jus bein plain lazy to take bus lor...

mangojo

Valentine Day w/o Valentine

1st time since 19 i do not have a valentine on VDay.

not that MUST have. Only find it weird... happy and sad altogether

Then sth unpleasant happened. it only ended up with sms bad correspondents.

Cannot say what happen here.

let it be, let it past.......

失忆

书桌上的香水
你沉默的背对
只剩下那一点点
还是闻得到从前
西装里的口袋
我整理过的爱
又破了那一点点
我帮你补了誓言
从没实现的摇滚梦
我也陪你走好多遍
断弦的吉他
始终弹不出我要的答案
我和你拼了好几夜
约翰蓝侬的图片
却拼不到一个永远
我在等你喊停
感觉不到从前温柔的双眼
感觉的到你已不再眷恋
无奈的笑试图让我知道
得了失忆可能对你我都好
感觉不到说是为了我改变
感觉的到承诺划过我左脸
我不知道也许我会得到
一句还是朋友
这是借口还是尽头

Missing blog

Long time din log in this blog.

Ytd tried and then it kept prompt me the password is wrong!

GOSH, how can it be? if i can log in others, this one can cos all shared same password lei!!!

Try countless times.

Just now when i about to create a new one.. gave a last try and got in! believe it? it is the same password that i tried again and again

Sleepy aka WP said i very forgetful due to old age.. (not again :( , haaa ). Actually since the divorce matter brought up, i not been paying attention to my life...no more driving.. no more swimming, no more rem if i have done this or not....

'Hubby' also ask if i have done tis or not, i told him i dun know and i dun care...

Wat else to matter"???

Only when it is work, i got to ensure cos i get paid.

Ok, want to close this with something happy......... got back my blog heeheeeeeee

kinky

haaa tat day a guy friend said he bought me a vibrator *instantly fainted.

On saturday past midnight, with my SOS call, he came to fetch me home from office **yes i been workign till wee hours almost every day. And he pas me the 'vibrator'!

Haaaaaa he is so funny.... it is indeed a Hello Kitty that vibrates except for not having the kinky function lah! It is actually a keychain .. there is a string attached to it and when u pull it, the hands and legs of the kitty will vibrate...

***whew,

dun frighten me like that lah

:P

Disappeared....

been a long time since my last entry.

It is plain busy and refusal to write down bad things that prevented me from writing.

Since beginning of 2007, nothing seem smooth. Not only not smooth but alot of mishaps.

Last saturday was a worst one i had. Got backstab and this so called intelligent person did not even bother to check and simply push blame to me.

Hate it. Up my limit

Blank

beside rushing for work and meeting deadlines and strategise on moves to counter evil company people and Grassroots leaders, practically m BLANK.


Jus blank.

Not that i canno do sth about it, but jus rot

Appeal to friends

(1) It is always easier to start afresh

Ytd had a little conversation with him. Dun know whr i gathered the courage to touch on a sensitive issue n w/o tears somemore!!! a changed mango ? :p

Told him we have different opinion towards our lives and marraiage.

Started by asking him if i never leave him for 6 mths the yr before, will we still be divorcing. He said 'it's a matter of time'.

He describe us a bottle of 180ML drink. But our love only reach max to 150ML and we are unable to go beyond that , so we better off parting.

I told him my views completely different. It needs us to work and go beyond 150.

Throughout our lives, we go through different stage and growth. But we did not incoporate the changes together. We did not do thing together. His need for privacy is too great. My innocence is too deep.

He said 'life is short..move on'

Told him my philosophy is different. Precisely life is short and we only live once. So we should treasure wat we have. In life, those who pass by or eventually got hook in ur life, we should treasure. But i also know his alternative view 'dun waste time'.

Conclude: it is always easier to dump the old and get start afresh. Follow up work is never easy :)

(2)Your encouragements are needed

Friends, if u happen to read my blog again... do drop some encouragement here to booast my morale and strenght for me to move on :)

This morning i got fr 1 friend in msn n very gratefuL!!!

cheers

Missing.e.'n'.and.spacebar

Well.well.ibook.got.mad.recently.The.two.keys.could.not.work.

The.above.'n'.appeared.becos.smart.me.use.e.'cut-n-paste'.method.

It.appears.alot.of.words.need.'n'!...like.a.friend.said,i.cannot.say.'no'.in.my.replies!!

to.cut.e.hazzard,will.use.'^'.to.replace.'n'.

Ytd.was.e.last.day.of.2006.Had.to.do.cou^tdow^.at.CC.

Ca^t.u^dersta^d.why.e.folks.ca^^ot.simply.fi^d.other.activities.or.actually.tv.shows.
ca^.be.good.for.them!!

The^.had.to.supper.at.e.coffeshop..By.e.time.home.it.was.like.1am++

Was.rather.tire.fr.faki^g.smiles.esp.whe^.i.k^ow.whe^.e.clock.strikes.12am.
it.also.wipes.clea^.my.marriage..
He.would.be.movig.out.a^ytime.

Jus.whe^.i.thought.i.could.have.good.sleep.Stomach.sudde^ly.cramped.badly.

So.e.story.was.plai^.pai^ful........lost.cou^t.of.times.i.ra^.to.toilet.
Guess.likely.10+,^ot.cou^ti^g.o^.goi^g.

still.pai^.badly.a^d.ru^^i^g.to.a^d.fro.toilet.

Perhaps............this.is.to.plurge.out.all.the.2006.shits.A^d.declare.a.totally.^ew.start.

A.new.start.with.me.bei^g.si^gle.older.a^d.less.rich.......
but.i.still.ca^.breathe.so.it.is.ok.

Sealed.up.tat.chapter.i^.life.

Move.alo^g

:)

Give you back your justice (Pt 2)

Eversince that day, he asked for my full name, i got abit awaken.

A remade Mangojo stepped back and take a look at the situation like an outsider. That helps alot.

Instead of blaming him and marriage, i could have been the worst cast in the whole situation. He is a victim of mine for years.

He could have ignore me but he din. Usually he is out on saturday full day but he came back to ensure food is delivered. He needs not do so. There is no obligation.

It was awkward for him but he still press on. Cos i teared with enduring the pain. he could feel even more disgusted when i refused to tell him what surgery i gone and he may also think that i am trying to use this to trap him back into marriae. But he din.

I salute him with total admiration. He is really a very nice guy, looking back all these years. He may not give me the love TLC but as a person wholesomely he is really great.

Guess i can face the divorce better becos it is really to give him back his freedom and let him find real happiness.

Perhap we should sign e doc asap instead of Jan. I like to see the relieve in his face. Long time no see the real happy him. I feel 心疼.

Only hope that my tears wont roll when we sign e document. Din wan him to feel e pain. He was in pain for too many years.

Did not know e real meanign of love while in marriage. I will not wan to ruin other ppl's life in future :)

love, pls forget me.
Hubby, pls forgive me.

Give you back your justice (Pt 1)

Had my surgery on friday, 15 Dec 2006.

Was quite an experience.

Got knock out and by e time i woke up, everything were done. Hmm.. wat did they do actually?

Did not feel quite right after getting back my senses. Was rather irritated by ward mate, who on the tv extremely loud. It was four bedders but actually only have two of us. So the stay should be quite acceptable. And Raffles Hospital really give patients feel like it is a hotel n nurses services were really professional and good. They assure you and give smile.

Hence i insist to discharge ASAP.

Quite surprising that my colleauges came to see me. One of them actually brought me home :) thanks, folks!!!!!

On way home, vomitted twice and chest was feeling very tight. Felt like there is water trap somewhere.

Hospital called me, e nurse was quite upset that i did not go back to await for appointment card and my MC. OOPS i din rem they say that. They asked me to go Biz Centre to pay up only. Anyway, had appointment with doc on 16 Dec morning.

Whole night was torture. Cannot breathe, alot of flam in my throat but cos i cannot breathe too deep, dare not cough. Every squeeze or cough create this 'torn up' pain at chest.

On 16 Dec morning, hubby (goin-to-be Ex) decided to drive me to and fro the hospital. He was shocked of my medical bills. I am too. Cos i thought follow up will be included in the costings. Total about $7K. (so folks, if you dun get presents from me, you know y... cos still thinking of how to clear my credit card bills).

I want to give back justice to my Ex-to-be. He is hard hearted to want to proceed with divorce without blinkin of eyes. But he is equally nice to help me. Especially in afternoon, thick skinned me sms him to help me buy dinner cos i couldnt really walk. He let me sleep and got me my dinner. Heart warming dinner if he din know.

Eversince that day...

Remaking Mangojo

Mango seem not so nice name... Man Go.. should i change my nick?

But i wan the fruitty fruitty mango

Told my GRL and my colleagues that today is saddest n most insulting moment when he asked for my full name. Really feel like dying.. no joke.

No courage, useless me.

So i gotta to carry on living. Wonder is my soul dead or my heart dead... suddenly i dun find myself crying today aft that moment of urge to die.

In fact now thinking of how to face ppl when eventually this spreads ard.. labelled as 'failure', 'lousy', 'indeed the man made e wise choice', 'rejected goods, 'ugly', 'sth wrong''????

How can i do to combat all these and have a little dignity back?

I admit my failure n being lousiest. However to live on, i still need some dignity to lift my legs up and step forward every morning.

Asked my colleagues to sponsor me a drinking session on the dayy of signing agreement.

The next day i shall start a 3 day vegetarian diet. Need to do sth to make myself atone for all the sins i have made throughout these 9 yrs. I know that no matter how much i wan to remorse, i can never return hubby his youth n other oppt n to clear my tortures given to him. But let me do sth can? 3 days to wipe out memories.

Ok, friends, i need some more courage to let me go back on driving training school. Has lost that faith that i can do it. Friends, pls help, give me more encouragement

I need to be reborn

Failure

Perhap i have been over rating myself.

He and me really have alot of disparities. Imagine for years we go out, ppl will take him as superior cos he has this ang mo look.....

His friends say i got myself a good deal...

So i was quite 不知量力

Being strong headed i refuse to think that way.

But today finally reality crush head to head on me. He rang me and asked for my full name. He din even know my full name.. din know or have never bother to know? Not that he has been calling me darling , but he has always not been calling me name. SOmehow we communicated jus like that. Amazing isnt it?

Wat to do??? got to admit failure.

A moment of feelin to die, but no courage eventually.

If no courage to die, i got to carry on living.

Admit failure, remain shameful and reborn

two conflicting thoughts

Had a few sms from my bro bear.. kind soul that is concern abt me.
Had one sms from my ex classmate cum colleague
N few other beeps from friends

all worry abt me, aft hearing my plight

No worry lah, i still breathinjg

Came back hm aft a drink with my bro bear

Saw alot of things clear n clean

Heart feel so heavy again

Then he came to me askin about some details.

Din wan to talk much cos e preaching will start again. Went back rm aft bath

He came knocking on my door.

Tmr he is seeing a lawyer. He needs info so as to process the doc.

The hse can costs him easily $100k.

But he is willing to make himself bankrupt in order to break free from me.

Told me i m covered till old age even if i dun remarried again.

That i be assured he will help me buy back e flat. N e car as a gift

GOSH, how should i behave this moment? how should i feel?

It is dark in my room, tears roll continuously but i noe he cannot see. I replied back as matter of facts becos i got to feel gratitude toward him. How to cry again n make him worry?

He is doing all he can, even beyong his means to ensure safety net spread for me............. but somehow being devil, i also cant help to feel v sad n down n heartbroke that he jus cant wait to get rid of me, even if it costs all his fortune n get himself badly in debt

i m that scarey?

m not ok, feel like stopping all breathing

How i wish

Awoken from a bad nitemare

Dreamt that eventually he was jus joking, pullin my legs n everything back to fine

Shit, wat kind of dream.

E moment come back to reality, eyes open, it jus pull apart my heart.

Jus last nite, someone msn said i m silly n idiot

save me........

Peppermint essential oils

trying to use tis for good sleep

gettin tire but jus cant zzz

dark circle getting more cloudy

I guess i can be a good catch by commercial companies

A awaiting divorce woman with no confidence, alot of beauty aliments like dark circle


Some products being offered to use, gain back confidence n move on life

wat abt that?

any co interested?

-__-

1000% interest in him to do one thing with me

Signing the divorce papers..

Impressive


So it will occur in Jan.

I guess his divorce (lady) cousin comes in handy for him...advising wat he should be doing.. Incidentally this is the lady that his auntie is tryin to hook them up even when i was with him... tat a great thing a person can do rite?

Now, i got to gather courage to tell my family abt this n askin them to move in, short notice

Ok, n i suppose to wear a big smile n go to the lawyer firm or family court to sign e doc together cos 'we are not those quarreling couple'. So we shall end our r'ship n marriage elegantly. If can, pls get a sponsor for me to get a gown as well? not wedding gown but a divorce gown.. guess time that some fashion designers look at such theme.

I c e relieve in his eyes.. i felt my throat got jammed up, n eyes watery again! useles me. so i kept drinking water n water n smile n smile.

One last wise words from him to me tonight .. 'u knw, one day, we will be happy with this decision'. No need that 'one day', this moment i see ur sparkle, Mr Lim.

No, no no hate u or angry with u.

Dun angry with me if u happen to read this.

I m a petty woman full of jealousy. N i write to pour all my feelings out because i dun tell my family my prob since young. Becos ppl expect to see my smile physically.. it doent look well tuned if i cry n smile and scream at same time.

I thank you for your kindest understanding, Mr Lim

Surprise X'mas Tree for office

Rather upset that there will be no Xmas Tree this year...

Then something sweet happended!

Was asleep in the office (openly at the sofa at our discussion area) today.. it is a sunday hence unlikely GRLs will come especially w/o event on. Was snoring away (i guess) then a call came n someone is coming to office.

Guess wat! one santa claus came with a x'mas tree.. newly bought somemore!!!!! Wow, a virgin tree heehee

So touch n happy.. my nagging n cryign for a tree finally got response heehee

N that is good enough .. we will add the toppings.. :)

N y did i zzz in the office? sleeping in another environment can be good therapy i guess

M i ok? still surviving

no worry no worry no worry

gonna to programme myself... 'no hope, no disappt'

"Quick Quick wake up, mango'!!

End of r'ship junction Pt 2

When i came out he tried to talk to me n i refused as i know he din like see me cry (that make him look like he is a villain). Again being nice does not pay cos he came to my room. Just outside my room he rattles on same thing.. tat is enough, he does not understand. I told him to let me tear, so i can move on.. he cannot agree ..... said i still wan to let misery continue in us. NO I DID NOT.... very afraid i will jus give way n turn berserk. Dun wan my life to be spent in IMH ... so i told him to let me tear n i be alright.. then suddenly hurling n yelling start again... all faults landed on me that i teared. I should know well enough it is good for us. Tat we have not been sleepin together for 2 yrs.... since i so unreasonable, then he should move out...

this moment, i gain abit of sane.. lost plenty of tears... when u lost tears, u suddenly c sth v clear.... did we not sleep together for 2 yrs? he move out now? O i c, he could be (a) wish that we can divorce immediately shoudl we can mutually claim that we are separated for e stated period of time (b) he wants to move out but cannot make e initiative as it may not look good on him?

Ok, at this point ppl will think i start to hate n accuse him. No, m sorry if this is wat is misread. Alway kena misunderstood by others. I dun blame him and pls.. if u r his friends, tell him.. my tears is not to attempt to force him to stay. I m a woman n one that have alway been easily teared... if i read sth simply warming, i roll tears it is jus that i dun show in front of u...

When a r'ship coming to an end... there is no more mercy.

End of r'ship junction Pt 1

now i know life
tonite he kept pressing me... creating the script n scene leading to his objectives.

I finally realise that when r'ship come to such stage.. there is no more mercy, love, feeling n humane.

Innocently walked into the house n was told to sit down n he started to rattle the same things he said e other nite. Puzzled enough as i have not said 'no'.

Being a woman and one that can roll tears easily on slight thing... my tears out. that started the whole trouble.

He cannot stand my tears n accuse me of tryin to be difficult by not working hard enough to understand that this is good for BOTH OF US. Did i really say no?

He wan me to laugh out loud loud loud whenever i back n said e decision is good?

Very puzzled n upset, especially when he din deny a third party existence. Yet continue to rattle on y n how i should react. He brushed aside e third party issue with so much loophole.

But i din blame or iintend to pursue n sue him adultery. No i din. N really it doesnt matter if tehre is a third party or not.. cos love died 1000% as far as he concern.

Went to bathe but decided to let go my tears so that i dun hold too many feelings as i felt piercing pain at my chest n heart.

End of r'ship junction Pt 3

Today i need to decide, shoudl i just drink up that bottle of shampoo in hope to end this life? should i pick myself up and ensure i grow too successful... should i jus give up life but still breathing..

I need to pick up e courage that he will pack n go. N even more courage to take in the fact that i m e one driving him away as wat was script.

No, i dun hate u... no i not tryin to accuse u.. maybe really u did it innocently n i read too much into it... m sorry if this is wat u actually think.

Nevertheless it wont be a surprise as this is wat separate us... we used to know each other but today , walking a 9 yrs journey, we both do not know n understand each other.. tat y marriage off

But pls, dun .... tat expectation is too great.. while i can understand it is good for BOTH OF US, let me roll my tears...

Electronic devices all haywire

O2 cant send sms, laptop cannot access own singnet wireless connection

Save me

i need help

R u ok

Jus now he asked me this question, again n again.

Haiz, y still ask me this qn.....

Ok, i said 'm ok', one time. He looked so worry and ask 'seriously, r u ok'.

Ha... wat u expect me to say? 'm ok v ok' is my standard reply

do u think he is wiling to hear that 'i m not ok, i feel like dying'? haaa , load of rubbish to him.

N y he kept askin like that when he wont wan to turn back... only spoil my eye mask cos tears rolling liao.. fancl u know! v expensive

haaaa m mad? but i m suppose to be materialistic lei

Anyway, jus now during bath, got some enlightenment.. haaaaaaa i dun dare to take roller coaster that y i m being put on emotional roller coaster? Perhap i should go take one ride n maybe maybe then i be spare fr emotional one... it is really bad bad n bad

life... four letter words

Very hungry now

Today no official work duties. Hence did not go back office.

Instead woke up too late n missed Doraemon :(

Then that was when my work started... house chores.

With or without marriage still need to do those irritating chores.

To think he always find i too lazy to clear up house. Which he will never know that it is not true. I jus hate the way he hound at me n our r'ship merely like master n maid.

Without him now, i picked up alot of chores to do today. He is not back yet.

Took out all my clothes in my only 1 wardobe. Discover i have forgotten quite alot of clothings.. some have never even being worn. These are packed into a big plastic bag, in hope to sell or donate out.

My back is aching now.. cos quite number of clothes must be handwashed. And i wonder if later i have the strength to mop floor and iron his clothes for him. Yes, i still will do for him (ok, for past months i din cos was angry and also not alot of time at home).

Hmm, until he move out, i guess i really wan to do many things for him.

He is so firmed but i still have some stupid thoughts of reversal.

Dumb Mangojo

Ok, McD meal here, alot of MSG to make mangojo more idiot.

haaaaa

Walkin Corpse

Some of the friends whom came to know my case, told me that i should not be affected. Anyway i did try to leave him before.

Yap, i thought i should have. But the problem is 'i did try' to leave him but came back because couldnt. N all the words he said to me askin for my return.

Those words ring but now with his other words for breaking away also ring. U know , they ring both messages together. Going berserk soon

Moaning for myself n e marriage. Tried to numb myself. So sometimes i jus gone blank, sometimes tears jus roll. Cannot concentrate on anything.

It will soon break all other part of my life, i know

When will i get back on my feet? only time can tell......

Really, today while i travel on train, asked myself. How come i did not say alot alot of things to try to salvage the situation. I only jus hear him n read which direction he want and went with the flow. Even acted that materials can simply 'compensate' me.

There are soooo many incidents and feelings wanna to tell him but i din. Was it cos of my pride? not really, he was soo persistent n wat i say will it help? maybe he will misread as being emotional blackmail.

Too many thoughts clouding....

Tat smile i have to maintain

e one correct thing i gave to him

E last n yet ironically the only correct thing i did for him is done for him tonite.

He came to me n initiated the same old talk. Wanted me to think of myself in 10-20 yrs, blah blah blah

He said alot. But said he has not decided.

Ultimately i know he just wan an assuring answer out from my mouth and one that can make his mind at ease. He said alot alot of things. It hurts deeper n deeper. N still he claimed yet to make up mind.

Tat smile he longs to see, i created it.

Wipe tears n Smile and tell him i also wanted us to part.

So i asked for the house and e car. He is so relieve. At least he can do sth for me? It hurts me but i feel happy that he is relieved. And whoever the one that has motivated him also can get a happy beginning. Ok, he said 'dun have'. Well, be it have or dun hav, tat is happy beginning for him.... oops jus he put it, it is also a good beginning for me. I got to grin.

No hatred. Just wan to numb myself.

For those who are worried for me, no worry. I will continue this (rocky) life journey.

My little wish remains, hope he will still in touch with me. But hope he wont show too fast with another hands locking his, in front of me.

Sorry, m not a saint. Still need time. But tat smile wont back off.

Lim, i love u... jus bear for this one last one

Goodbye to love n memories. I will forsake you all for happiness within

continue to hope Happiness will one day decide to befriend me.

C & J = a past tat should have ended 9 yrs ago
Tat missing wedding ring n e one u never bother to put on = CJ2000
My bday: 26 May
Our ROM: 27 May
His bday: 28 May
.... urgh.. n i earned 9yrs, GRINNN....

Sick

After dragging many days then finally drag my feet to see doctor. Scarey, 10 pax in front of me. N doc said all same signs like mine.

Ha.. maybe he should photocopy prescriptions so no need to write and write. stick onto patients' record will do!

;P

A joke that carries too far away

To stop all nonsense, the culprits r deleted. Temporarily or permanent yet to know.

Fate comes fate goes

Thanks

Kimchi Mangojo Won

Tmr nite flying off but my heart is still heavy on work matters.

So many things to do

Actually dun mind getting things done. M very task oriented but there are some implications that cloud my mind. Some idiots just like to ensure things dun happen the way they should.

GOSH, no matter how, got to let go for a while. I mean things are unpredictable. Perhap by the time i come back, there is a big change n my presence is no longer needed.

So as long as i do what i should during my stay, then there is no need to feel guilty or unjustice done.

As for preparing for tour, have not really read the itinerary by heart. Yet to pack and decide how much to prepare for the trip.

So Gemini

Miss mango? heeheeeheeeeheeeee

If life can be re-boot

This is my 'shout out' in my friendster account.

Been there for likely a month or two.

Surprisingly i have some ppl dropping messages to me in respond to this statement (or question?).

First one was quite a concern msg. He tried to comfort me and then now he is added in as a friend.

Couple of days ago, i got another one, using this headline to drop by to say hello.

Today i got one who recommended how to re-boot life. Read first time got abit nervous. Thought was suggesting i go n die n start new life ;)

So put this in as nick in my msn... haha....... guess more ppl will respond.

Quite interesting.

Really, tat wat i feel sometimes... i miss out many things n tries and pick up r'ships that eventually not meant for me. If life can be re-boot, many times i will pick up, two r'ships i will never take up :)

heeeeeeeeee

My worst is his Better

He is coming back tmr from China.

Sms-ed him if i have to move out or is there any change. I still need to mentally prepared (not really like wat many thought that i m very strong,actually).

He said, remain for now.

Should i be so selfish?

but i cannot bring myself to leave....

The song that says my inner feelings?

Ytd went to the PAYM concert, anticipating for SHE.

And yes, they sang that song (U can refer to my earlier blog, one that i put in the lyrics).

GOSH, lucky i din tear or too malu

Really tat how i feel many times

;)

Waking up too early on a PH

Goshi Goshi

I thought today is saturday and force myself to jump out of bed - to watch my little Doraemon

idiot

So then planned to go out early to shop shop but then had diahorea (again and again). So n ow is 1120am n i am still at home.

Later going KTV with Pui Sze. Then dinner with Wei Pei and Justin.

Me and Wei Pei now MSNing. We are planning to go for the PAYM Concert. We all know it is only SHE tat attracts us haaaaaa

Ok, we still trying to find invitatin cards as i presume it is better seat or at least stand in front?

Very funny, they invited CCC & CCMC Chairmen. But aint these ppl kinda either too 'old' for it or jus too high class for a pop concert?

Dun waste invitation card lah, come on, pass to me!

;P

Sign of Worry - Getting tooo toooo independence

Was quite pleased with myself yesterday.

Sunday, 22 Oct 2006

Had to attend a temple function at 10am. Hence planned to go for haircut, grabbed lunch n go for swim.

The schedule turned tight when the function ended like 1158am n my hair cut appointment was 12noon.

So good that a GRL offered to send me there. So i reached there about 1205pm.. whew not to late

Hair Cut at Twister (Hougang Mall)
Was attracted by the purplish atmosphere hence decided to go there and try. I like STORM at JP but it is too far to travel there. Sinc they are sisters, a try would be less risky.

Enjoy the fact that the sylist is also the one that washes hair. That is a great different from Jean Yip as they tend to get trainee to wash hair n many times very unpleasant experience.

The only irritating thing is that this stylist kept ask or psycho me to colour my hair. I thought i told him straight am not interested for time being. He just rattle off n i kind of find myself buildin castle in the air to ignore him.

The cut looks good back in saloon but then like today i find it too short and too flat. Dun think is the style prob, it is me who cannot recreate back the feel...

Bought a shampoo there too. Now wonder to go back and get the conditioner. I guess i will stop buying every brand laid on hands and go for what saloon used. Actually save alot more money. I have few bottles of half used shampoo n conditioners, which i bought from SASA or off the rack n now dun find them as good as the instructions indicated.

Lunch
Actually thought i be very late but the cut only costs me 1 hour so could even catch lunch at the foodcourt.

Swimming
Ok, i know the sequence is not rite, having done up hair and then go swimming. But gemini being gemini, i jus wan to do things unconventional haaa

Got a new instructor (again). Had a big sms fight with the agency. Very unprofessional of them. Nevermind. I told the agent that i jus wan to enjoy the learning and shall not pursue. But dun keep testing my patience. Learnt 1.5hrs :)

I think i will go for own practices liao

Suddenly a thought flood in.... i think i have grown so independence and at ease with self doing things alone and eating alone. U know everyone will get a chance to do thing alone. But the loneliness n uncertainty can be quite fearful. however i begin to enjoy the serenity and no need to see and feel for others. I do what i planned. No need to worry if it cannot fit the other party

As some of my colleagues or friends know, i have this philiosophy *let's not argue if this is rite or wrong yet* tat if a woman gets too independence, then no need for a man in her life liao.

hmmmmmm... could this be a temporary syptom or really thati have changed? Became him, he said for the 6 months i was away, he already get use to w/o me. Maybe this is wat he wan me to come to term with.

In case this is jus false impression, i shall test myself again... independence n happy ;)

cheers, Mango!

Missing Blogs

Past two days i created few entries but they were not posted.

Came to realised that it is because ibook is not 'compatible' with blogger program.

So pity. Alot of inside stories.. ;P

ok, shock n very pai sey - i wrote an entry n actually someone told me today he knew i was writing about him! alamak............

Do and Not Do

Tdy woke up earlier than anticipated, somemore w/o alarm aid.

No mood to go work. Too many things in mind to concentrate on work. And the 16.5 annual leave from last year give me quite good reason not to go office.

Last round i got forfeited 9days. And then what do i get in return? Struggling with management. So not very worthwhile.

Wanted to go for theory and practical lessons but somehow feel very tire to travel.

Such a letdown me..

Maybe i just do not like travelling back. Going out is ok, it is always the coming back that give me the loneliness n aimless feel.

So not achieving anything today i guess.

Waste leave and time and opportunity.

Felt guilty :(

* wanna to jot sth i felt so sweet but cannot reveal alot.. so it gonna be a maze :P
It was very sweet to be treated that way, like a princess. Not becos desperate but it happened to be someone i like alot. Controlled liking .. but life never perfect rite?

Haze n Daze

Not a good day..

Woke up at 4am and by the time 6+ fell asleep, the next moment i found myself woke up late for my work appointment.

Haiz.. quite piss... kinda of book cab to rush down but the other party was late. But i m paid staff so cannot say anything.

Then suppose to go for the trial theory test. In the end forsake and forgo that $5+. Haze & Daze.

Intend to go home after getting necessities from Compass Point but end up binging on Jnr Carls at Marina Sq.

Quite satisfy as i bought Fancl eye mask and facial mask. But now (after tryin to apply) very unhappy. The salesgal did not really bother to explain in details on how to use it. And the instructions all in Jap! Idiot, now thinkin of writign sth to complain against the counter gal.

O dear, i have stopped driving for 1 week and now like cannot rem how to do S n Crank Curves, Reverse direction and vertical parking. Wonder tmr if i request instructor to teach again, will he/she take me as alien...

Me is always like that.. can rem word by word but when come to hands on, gosh. Frantically searchin on the theory book but they all reflecting on manual car.. another piss me off thing ;P

I hope i can wake up on time tmr. And hope not so hazey. I like hazel nuts but not haze. Cant breathe well n super worry for my little bro.

Tmr after driving will have to rem to grab necessities from watson. Then take lunch and buy some snacks becos gotten attend a wedding dinner and usually not to early, got to wait and wait.

Recently spent too much. I think my bank a/c cannot tahan liao.. gosh.. turn old, being desserted can really make one imbalance

i wish to get more courage and go temple to pray. but i really scare to make that move. I have really let down Buddha with all my wrongdoings.

我搞不懂我们到底怎么了

落泪以前再看一眼
你模糊侧脸
这会不会是最后纪念
我凝视你而你凝视
窗外的阴天
一句抱歉都僵在嘴边
我搞不懂
我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后
是否
住着伤口
我想不透
我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后
是否
能让什么
复活

你的笑脸还在胸前
晃动着昨天
为何回忆会让人晕血
如果我们继续向前走进雨里面
会不会有溶解的危险
我搞不懂
我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后
是否住着伤口
我想不透
我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后
是否
能让什么
复活

明明从前
连真挚都很甜美
现在怎会
说句话就能肿一边
我搞不懂
我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后
是否
住着伤口
我想不透
我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后
是否
能让什么
复活

亲爱的陌生人

今年忘了约你去看入眠
认识你的第六年夏天
感觉本来就是微妙又爱恋
而时间却容易生倦
我们之间越来越遥远
最近天空总是蓝蓝灰灰
提不起劲的浪漫要怪谁
习惯是对生活的一种妥协
而时间却让我学会
难过时关上门一个人流眼泪
就让爱回温
我说亲爱的陌生人
这一段旅程
是我们回忆的重温
一个淳朴小镇
两个小小恋人
关不住青春
爱自由的眼神
一个吻一个永恒
坐看星星点亮的
就让爱回温
我说再见了陌生人
这一段回程
让所有感觉再沸腾
一个温暖眼神
两个微笑单纯
不必去追问
谁爱谁比较深
我们在爱的过程
回头看是单纯
往前看是诚恳

就让爱回温
再见了陌生人
这一段回程
让所有感觉再沸腾
一个温暖眼神
两个微笑单纯
不必去追问
谁爱谁比较深
我们在爱的过程
回头看是单纯
往前看是诚恳
woh~其实一扇门
oh ohyeh~
开门爱回温

I know wat in ur mind - is it still love or jus a part of past living

It 5am in the morning of Saturday, 7 Oct 2006.

Woke up unvoluntarily. Still feeling tire but jus cant control mind.

Dripping on too tight making my shoulders very heavy n pain.

Run through some songs in my laptop. There are tonnes of heartbreaking songs. So does it matter i am one of the leads?

Sometimes i yearn for him to come back emotionally. Sometimes i feel so tire that it is good to let go.

M not a saint. Despite been hoping he gets the best, still want him back.

Perhap must dig out my heart and see if it is black.

Recently not crying that much. Tear rollin is wept and fought back hard.

Recently been thinking of what will become in future.

Only yesterday someone told me it is ok if i am to be alone for rest of life if i have been through the patches. Self protection is most important.

Recently been trying to develop more activities for myself on top of work.

Gauging the slavery work, if i dun do sth now, i be really a desserted old hag that the world may think i m weirdo in 5 yrs to come.

This serenity now made me feel that it is calmer to not to think of this complex relationship anymore. But how such moment can persist?

过敏也是对你的思念。。。

Day too long, Night too short

This phenomeon has been on going for more than 6 months.

The day he jus changed..

I have not been sleeping till wee hours. Very hard for me to fall asleep but harder for me to wake up in the morning.

Tis is 1.32am now (dun know y the time published out is different) , feeling v tire but jus cant fall asleep.

for so many months, i sleep with tv n laptop on.

i ever only slept at 4am although was very tire.

tmr also a challenge to wake myself up

;(

Left one blog for u

I left a blog entry in friendster's account, meant for my LTA kor kor (he no more work there).

Becos very worry for him.

But cannot disturb him.

And a little hope he will go into friendster and surf abit n happen to see my entry.

Hope he is fine and everything fine now

E new name din get me anywhr

My name was change back in yr 2000 ( i think)

Becos i was in a loss. Having a sweet romance in red of lies and bleak career.

Dun know to thank that friend or not, she introduced a fortune teller to me.

It is breakin me up with all his words still rinign in my mind.

Very scarey.

But that is not the point.

I asked for a change of name to aid me in my career. Turning back, sounded very silly. But when a person with stupidity and lost of hope, everything can be helpful.

So was given many character combination for the desire strokes to aid in career.

I chose tis combination. Din wan a very femine name. This one is good cos it sounded femine but the character is more of a male. Jus like Jovian... unisex.

Not totally bad for a change of name. U know it is like u close a chapter and start another...

Time to use this name again? I need a career change.. but really for a betterment.

Men!

Happen to read this blog from a guy i get to know from MSN. Not that i know him but we chatted abit.

Actually a bit of identity mistake that we started to chat. I thought he was someone i knew back in school. After one short chat, i withdraw conversation from him. Then only recently we chatted again (cant rem who initiated).

So he asked for my friendster address. I always thought he was one of the friendster friends i added! Gosh! haha

Too tire from working hence took a bit of time to go into friendster. Came across his profile and saw he updated his blog.

Then i realised he was divorced. One of the entires mentioned his talk with his ex wife. It hits me again. The wife after divorce waited for him 1.5 yrs, hopin he will ask to patch back. He commented that he wouldnt since he initiated the breakup.

Ya, it is not uncommon to hear that once men decide something, they wont turn back especially on relationship.

True enough.

When i left him, i still will want to keep in touch with him, hoping we can make up. Praying for his well being. Wanting to know how he is. Sneak back to do housework for him or to check if he is ok (without he knowing).

But now when he wants to back off, he is sooo cold. He tried to do sth but can sense his torment becos it is really v uphill task for him to try to do such thing. Once gone will never come back.

I am different. Becos i hope we can be together. I still want to know how he is and hope he gets the best. If really we are through, i still hope to know his whearabout and hear how he is. But i know clearly that it will not happen. When man leave, they leave forever..

你用六个月忘记我们的情缘，我用一生却未必能洗净思念和你的一切

wat become of me when i turn 40?

wonder how should i behave? how do i carry myself? wat tone to use?

will i be retrench? nobody by my side. Struggle life more n more?

life is bleak for ppl like me

Tire Mango Tire Heart Confused Brain

Very tire, so many events and got to wake up early and work till late nite.

Very tire tire tire

Tire Heart whenever i think of us

Confused brain becos i really hope we can talk

Confused y are we stayin together but yet like stranger. Maybe we r like bro n sister.

Disgusting reality

Hurts becos jus saw red. N tmr has to wake up early n have heavy day

But who can i talk to?

I wan to give up everything but yet there are many responsibilities

y y y

haiz, Gemini is really hard to be ............... gotten fight two minds at one time.

maybe one day i jus go to IMH

-Ve side of Gemini is saying: forget mango, forget u, forget him, forget work, forget feelings, forget thoughts

+ve side of Gemini is saying: at least i be having some memories. at least i m still alive n breathing, wan to fight back at work, want to straight thought n move ahead

splitting headahche